Troubled Water
by SunReyes
Summary: Samantha’s having trouble adjusting to being in Jack’s life—with his daughters. Will their strained relationship fall apart? COMPLETED
1. Chapter 1

Title: Troubled Water  
  
Author: SunReyes sunreyes01@yahoo.com  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Category: J/S  
  
Disclaimer & Authors Notes: This is a sequel to In Another's Shoes. There isn't much you need to know to read this story. There are one or two short segments of X-Files characters and I don't own them or those on WaT.  
  
*******  
  
Jack Malone POV:  
  
Jack & Samantha's Apartment  
  
February 13, 2004  
  
7:15 p.m.  
  
"Girls, remember what I told you?" I eye Hannah and Kate before unlocking the door to the new place. Sam's managed to move a few of her things in, and I pull back the door to let the girls inside.  
  
They both stand in the entranceway, afraid to come any closer. Sam's sitting on the sofa, reading a book. She glances back with a smile. "Hey," she whispers, and I swear I see a glint of fear in her eyes.  
  
She closes her book and I shut the front door, pushing the girls gently into the living room. "Why don't I take your coats?" Samantha offers, holding out her hand.  
  
"Daddy, why does she have to be here?" Hannah glares from Sam back towards me.  
  
"We talked about this girls," I remind them. Kate slips off her winter jacket, handing it to me as I hang it in the closet. Hannah does the same and they both stand by my side, too afraid to approach the stranger.  
  
"Do you girls want any hot chocolate?" Samantha offers.  
  
"No," Hannah answers and moments later Kate shakes her head no in response. I move on over towards the sofa, taking a seat beside Sam.  
  
"Did you girls make anything to give your mom for Valentine's Day?" Samantha questions.  
  
Both girls exchange glances between each other and then with me. They refuse to sit beside her and move towards a chair, sitting on the opposite side of the room. Both girls squeeze into the chair, making sure they don't have to sit next to us.  
  
"We made you and Mom something," Hannah tells me, "but you can only have it if you come back home to live with us."  
  
"Girls," I let out a soft breath, "your mom and I talked about this with you. We're getting divorced because we don't love each other anymore. It doesn't mean we love you girls any less, but--"  
  
"You love her instead?" Kate questions, eyeing Samantha.  
  
I let out a soft sigh. "Yes, I love, Samantha. I love both you girls too," I remind them.  
  
Both girls exchange glances. "Can we have ice cream, Daddy?" Kate questions.  
  
I stand up, letting out a soft breath as I glance through the freezer. There are a few things Sam's managed to buy in the past week, but no ice cream.  
  
"I'll just run up to the store," I offer. "You stay here with the girls; I'll only be a few minutes."  
  
"Jack," she jumps up, "why don't I go. You should spend time with them," she tells me, her eyes staring into mine.  
  
"I don't want you running out for them. Keep them company."  
  
"Right," she breathes out as I grab my coat and car keys.  
  
"Be good for Samantha," I tell Hannah and Kate. They both nod their heads in unison and I slip out the door.  
  
*********  
  
Samantha Spade POV:  
  
Jack & Samantha's Apartment  
  
February 13, 2004  
  
7:48 p.m.  
  
As soon as the door shuts, the girls run over towards the sofa, climb on and start jumping on the cushions.  
  
"Hannah, Kate," my eyes meet theirs. "I know your mom and dad don't let you do that."  
  
"You can't tell us what to do!" Hannah quips, grabbing a ceramic pottery bowl from the table that holds the remote controls. She throws it to the floor, letting it shatter against the wood.  
  
"Go to your room," I tell her with wide eyes.  
  
"No," she clenches her fists, her face turning red.  
  
"I'll call your father," I warn her.  
  
"And say what? You can't control us?" she laughs. "He left his phone here, stupid." She sticks out her tongue at me, and Kate sticks hers out afterwards.  
  
"I can call your mother," I respond, heading for the phone.  
  
"She says we don't have to be nice to you. She doesn't like you either," Hannah answers with a smirk on her face.  
  
"You're the reason Dad left," Kate chimes in.  
  
"You think when your father gets home he's not going to be angry with your behavior?" I eye them both.  
  
"He won't believe you," Hannah answers, jumping down from the sofa and standing against the wooden floor. "Mom says you're his whore."  
  
"Your mother said that to you?" I question, surprised that she would even use that word in front of her children.  
  
"She said that about you when Daddy and her were fighting," Kate answers. She plops down to sit on the sofa. "Can I have something to drink, Samantha?"  
  
"What do you want?" I question, heading into the kitchen to grab a plastic cup. I don't need to clean up any more glass. The shattered bits are still on the floor and I don't have the energy to clean them up. Besides, Jack needs to see what they did. If I clean it up, they'll likely pretend it didn't happen.  
  
"Grape juice," she answers, following me into the kitchen.  
  
"Me too," Hannah answers, and I pour both girls something to drink. Hannah carries hers into the living room and I bite down on my lip, afraid of what she might do. She stands in front of the sofa, turning the cup upside down to pour onto the furniture. "Oops," her eyes are wide with a grin.  
  
Hannah pushes Kate, causing her to spill some of the juice onto the wood floor and her shirt. "Stop it!" she shrieks, and within seconds Hannah manages to shove the cup onto the sofa, staining the fresh cushions in purple.  
  
"Hannah!" I'm furious as I tell her, "Go to your room."  
  
"No," she shouts back, standing right in front of me. I hear the door finally opening and breathe out a sigh of relief.  
  
"What happened in here?" Jack glances around, seeing the purple stain and the pottery broken onto the floor. "Hannah, Kate?" His eyes bore into theirs.  
  
"It was all her fault!" Hannah screams, storming off into the girls' bedroom and slamming the door.  
  
"Kate?" Jack eyes her.  
  
"I didn't make a mess," she whines and tears well in her eyes.  
  
"You were jumping on the sofa," I point out.  
  
"So was Hannah!" she whines, sulking down the hall and into her room. I hear the door open and close and let out a soft breath.  
  
I move towards the broken pieces on the floor, picking them up carefully and putting them in the trash.  
  
Jack puts the ice cream in the freezer and comes back over to help me finish cleaning the rest.  
  
"Don't worry," he whispers reassuringly, "they'll come around."  
  
"And if they don't?" I question, meeting his gaze and hearing only silence between us.  
  
*********  
  
Jack Malone POV:  
  
Jack & Samantha's Apartment  
  
February 13, 2004  
  
10:30 p.m.  
  
I glance in on the girls, making sure they're both asleep before joining Samantha in the bedroom.  
  
"I'm sorry about earlier."  
  
"It's not your fault," I say as I lean down, pressing a kiss to her lips. "Don't worry, they're just acting out."  
  
"I know," she nods. "I think I should be at home when you're with the girls."  
  
"Sam," I shake my head no. "They're just kids." I slip out of my clothes, and slide between the covers.  
  
"They're learning it from Maria."  
  
"What?" I roll onto my side to face her.  
  
"They heard you two arguing about me, and that's where they get this from," she gestures wildly.  
  
"What did they hear?" I question in confusion.  
  
"Your wife calling me a whore."  
  
"Ex-wife." I take Sam's hands in mine.  
  
"She's still your wife," she reminds me. "Maybe she was right. I shouldn't stay with you until you're divorced. At the very least, for the sake of the girls."  
  
"Sam," I shake my head, "don't say that." I wrap my arms around her reassuringly. "I love you." I press a warm kiss to her lips, feeling her head dip back as I move my way down her exposed skin.  
  
"Mmm," she breathes out, slipping her eyes shut. "We shouldn't," she tells me, slowly pulling back. She sits up and sighs as she glances at the clock.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"Home," she answers, heading for the clothes on the floor.  
  
"Sam."  
  
"I can't do this, Jack."  
  
She pulls up her jeans and buttons her shirt.  
  
"You can't or you won't?" Her eyes meet mine and I realize how hurt she is from what the girls said and did. "Don't go," I whisper, standing up to grab my clothes. I quickly pull my slacks on.  
  
"I have to." She leans towards me, giving me a soft kiss before turning her back to leave.  
  
"Sam." I reach my arm up to her shoulder, turning her around to face me. "The girls are in bed and tomorrow's Valentine's Day," I remind her. "You're really going to spend it alone?"  
  
"No," she laughs. "I think I might visit Maria."  
  
"Really?" I'm startled by this; I'm not sure why.  
  
She eyes me, not giving in to whether she's joking or not. "I'll see you Monday." She presses a soft kiss to my cheek as my hand moves down to grip hers. "Jack," she warns, wanting me to let go. I drop my hand and she gives me a sad smile, heading out the door.  
  
"Oh, Sam," I whisper, shaking my head in dismay, feeling suddenly all alone in the world. I so desperately want to go after her, but I know Samantha. She probably needs the night to herself. 


	2. Chapter 2

Samantha Spade POV:  
  
Spade Residence  
  
February 14, 2004  
  
10:00 a.m.  
  
I roll around, watching as the morning light shines in through the blinds. I let out a tired yawn, upset to not be with Jack on Valentine's Day and even more angry with myself for running home.  
  
I want to spend time with him, and get in his daughters' good graces; I can't do that here, though.  
  
I slip out of bed and head into the shower to wake up.  
  
"Sam?" I hear Jack knocking against the bathroom door and feel the cool breeze as he opens the door.  
  
"Jack? I didn't know you were here. I'll be done in a few minutes," I answer.  
  
"All right. We wanted to take you to breakfast."  
  
"We?" I peer out from the shower curtain.  
  
"The girls are in the bedroom waiting for you."  
  
"Can you keep an eye on them?"  
  
"Oh yeah, right." He slips out from the bathroom and I finish in the shower as quick as I can.  
  
I grab my robe and slip it on as I head into the bedroom to see no one in sight. I rummage through my drawers, pulling out a pair of jeans and a top to slip on. I quickly get changed and head into the living room to see the three of them sitting on the sofa, watching television.  
  
"Hi, Hannah, Kate," I eye them both and then Jack.  
  
"Does she have to come with us?" Hannah whispers rather loudly to Jack. I wouldn't be surprised if she intentionally wanted me to know she doesn't want me along.  
  
"Remember our discussion this morning?" Jack eyes them both sternly.  
  
They nod in unison.  
  
"Why can't we spend Valentine's Day with Mommy?" Kate questions.  
  
"You want me to take you girls home?" he questions. "Your punishment still stands, no matter who you're with."  
  
"We'll stay with you," Hannah answers.  
  
"Yeah," Kate chimes, as I grab my things and we head for the door.  
  
I take a seat in the passenger side next to Jack.  
  
"Hannah, Kate," he glances back towards them, "is there something you want to tell Samantha?"  
  
"No," Hannah crosses her arms defensively.  
  
"I'm sorry," Kate answers, her voice barely above a mumble.  
  
"I'm not," Hannah protests. "I don't even get why we have to be seen with her."  
  
"Hannah, that's enough!" Jack's voice sends a shiver down my spine as his voice vibrates through the car. I glance into the side mirror of the car, seeing her eyes fill with tears.  
  
"It's never enough," she answers as we pull up to a traffic light and I hear the backdoor open and slam shut.  
  
"Shit!" Jack gasps, watching as Hannah takes off on foot.  
  
Without a second thought, I escape the vehicle and run after Hannah.  
  
"Hannah!" I call after her, seeing her glance back towards me as she runs as fast as her feet will take her. Luckily we're not on any main intersections, so there's not crowds of people or cars about to run her over. She keeps running straight, which happens to be down and into an alley.  
  
"No," she groans, turning around to face me. "Leave me alone!"  
  
"I can't," I answer, hearing Jack's footsteps tearing down the pavement as he makes his way towards us. "Hannah, you don't want to do this."  
  
"You don't know what I want."  
  
"You're mom and dad love you, Hannah. Your running off won't solve anything." I slowly approach her, but give her enough distance to make her feel comfortable.  
  
"Hannah," I hear Jack's voice as I glance back to see his hand latched around Kate's. "Let's go home," he says to the girls. I let out a sigh and step to the side as Jack takes his free hand and holds Hannah tightly.  
  
"Does she have to come with us?"  
  
"I'll catch a cab," I answer, not giving Jack another alternative. I make my way out to the street at a decent pace and hail a cab. I glance out the window and see Jack watching as I take off for home.  
  
***************  
  
Jack Malone POV:  
  
Malone Residence  
  
February 14, 2004  
  
11:05 a.m.  
  
"Hannah," I shake my head, grateful I remembered to use the child-safety locks on the car door for our way home. She promised me she wouldn't run again, so long as Samantha wasn't around. I didn't have an answer for her, at least not one she'd want to hear.  
  
We pull into the driveway and I come around and open the back door for the girls to slip out from the car. They head on inside the house and I follow behind them. "Maria?" I call out, hoping she's home.  
  
"What are you doing here?" she glances towards the girls with a questioning look.  
  
"Hannah tried to run away," Kate chimes.  
  
"Yeah, they've been quite a handful the past day."  
  
"It's because you had her over."  
  
"Samantha?" Maria questions.  
  
"Yes," I nod. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell the girls they don't have to respect her."  
  
"I never said that," she says. "I might have said I have no respect for her, but I never said the other."  
  
"Do you think they know or understand the difference?" I glance over at the girls, "You two go into your room!"  
  
"Jack," Maria tries to stop me.  
  
"They've been awful to her. I wouldn't be surprised if she never wanted to see them again."  
  
"Good!" Hannah shouts, stomping off into their room.  
  
"See," I gesture towards her behavior.  
  
"It's your doing, Jack. She wouldn't be this way if you hadn't introduced her so soon."  
  
"Bullshit!" I shake my head. "It was only a matter of time. I thought you were in this with me—helping the girls move on, doing what's best for them."  
  
"What's best for them?" she repeats. "Giving them a stepmother who knows nothing about children?"  
  
"That's not her fault! She could be a wonderful mother if our children weren't so damned awful to her."  
  
"Maybe she needs parenting skills," Maria quips.  
  
I eye her to shut up, my anger boiling in my veins. "Maria," I warn her, shaking my head in disgust. I pace around the living room, wearing a hole in the rug. "We have to do something about their behavior."  
  
"And what do you suggest?"  
  
"When I was stopped at a traffic light, Hannah ran from the car! We both know Kate looks up to Hannah. I don't need two problematic children on my hands."  
  
"Whose fault is that?" she eyes me.  
  
"Don't go putting the blame on me!" I scoff. "You're just as guilty as I am—always having a babysitter watch our children. They would never treat the sitter this way!"  
  
"You're not fucking the sitter," Maria spits out.  
  
I move my hand to my face, trying desperately not to punch something or wring her neck. "This is obviously a problem, whether you want to see it or not."  
  
"I know," she nods, "I'll make an appointment with the child psychiatrist on Monday."  
  
"Do you have time to take her there after school?"  
  
"No, but I'll make the time," she lets out a sigh, collapsing onto the sofa. "Jack, when did our lives become such a fucked-up mess?"  
  
"Too long ago," I answer. "I should get going. I need to talk to Samantha about all this."  
  
"I'm sure," she dryly comments.  
  
"The girls are both grounded—Kate for the next week and Hannah for the next month."  
  
"What'd they do to piss you two off?" She leans back slightly amused.  
  
"Tore the house apart when I left the girls with Sam."  
  
"There's your problem: trusting her to watch our children."  
  
"One day she'll be their mother," I tell her.  
  
"Stepmother," she corrects me. "Either way, I wouldn't recommend doing it again," she smirks.  
  
"No shit! I've got two nice purple stains on the white couch, and a broken ceramic bowl that managed to chip the wood floor."  
  
Maria's eyes rise in amusement. "They did all that damage? How long were you gone?"  
  
"Under half an hour. I went to get them ice cream, which they obviously didn't get to eat." I let out a sigh. "I should head out. Have a Happy Valentine's Day."  
  
"Yeah, you too," she answers as I slip out the door and head down to the car. I pull out into traffic, making my way towards Samantha's place.  
  
*******************  
  
Samantha Spade POV:  
  
Spade Residence  
  
February 14, 2004  
  
11:45 a.m.  
  
I lounge around the living room, upset by today's events but more upset that it was my fault Hannah wanted to run away. If there was something I could do to gain her trust—I shake my head, knowing it's no use.  
  
"Sam?" I hear Jack knocking against the door and stand up to answer it.  
  
"What are you doing here?" I ask as I open the door to let him in and return to the sofa.  
  
"Taking you out for Valentine's Day."  
  
"Thanks, but I already have plans."  
  
"With whom?" he questions.  
  
"Ben and Jerry," I answer, showing him the small carton of ice cream sitting on the coffee table.  
  
"Oh, Samantha." He scoots next to me with a soft laugh. "You actually had me worried for a second."  
  
I lean into the couch cushions with a soft sigh. "Why aren't you with your girls?"  
  
"It's Valentine's Day," he reminds me softly, brushing my hair off my shoulders as his hand trails down my neck. "I was hoping we could spend it together."  
  
"We're together," I muse.  
  
"I meant out," he eyes me. "I can get us dinner reservations if you want?"  
  
"Can we stay in?" I question, taking a spoonful of ice cream.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"I'm just not in the mood to go out. I'm sorry."  
  
"It's all right. Whatever you want, Samantha." He eyes me intently. "Don't worry about Hannah; she'll be fine."  
  
"How can I not worry?" I press the issue. "This never would have happened if--"  
  
"What?" he questions.  
  
"Nothing," I shake my head, dismissing the thought. "We can go to the movies if you want. I just want to relax this weekend. We have enough running around and mayhem during the weekdays to deal with."  
  
"I want whatever you want, Sam."  
  
I scoot around on the sofa, stretching to lie down, with my head in his lap.  
  
"I could use a nap," I yawn.  
  
"You want to sleep in your bed?"  
  
I close my eyes. "No, this feels nice." I feel his hand on my shoulder as I situate myself to get comfortable and his fingers move into my hair.  
  
I let out a soft sigh, feeling content and comfortable with the current situation. If only things didn't have to change. 


	3. Chapter 3

Samantha Spade POV:  
  
Spade Residence  
  
March 5, 2004  
  
6:45 p.m.  
  
It feels like ages since Jack and I spent time together on a Friday night, without his girls. The past several weeks, I've been trying, to no avail, to get in their good graces. It hasn't happened yet, and likely won't for some time.  
  
I knew it would take a while for things to go well, especially since Hannah's appointments with the child psychiatrist haven't been all that helpful. I laughed when I heard that; she's more like me than she realizes.  
  
It wasn't a surprise when Jack dropped by with the girls last Friday. We talked about it, but nothing was set in stone. When he brought the girls by, they scouted my apartment, even more curious than the first time they were inside. Things went smoothly, until Hannah decided to get something to drink and threw a glass to the floor, along with a second, and a third. Her dark laughter sent a chill through my body, and I suggested that Jack should spend the weekends with his girls and I'd have some quality time alone.  
  
He agreed for fear of what Hannah might do next and what harm she could inflict on herself.  
  
We shouldn't have given in, letting Hannah get her way on the matter. She knows she's won, even if it's only for a temporary time. She's trying to drive a stake between us and I'm about ready to give up fighting her.  
  
I love Jack and I always will, but his children want nothing to do with me. I can't keep pretending all will go well, not with what I'm about to find out.  
  
I sit on the side of the bathtub, staring at the pregnancy test and my watch. I can hear each second ticking away and I feel my life doing the same.  
  
"Oh, Jack." I shake my head in dismay, seeing the two lines reveal I'm pregnant.  
  
I should be happy, overzealous with joy—but I'm not.  
  
I'm worried how the girls will react to the knowledge. I can't keep trying to get on their good side, and now with a baby on the way---. I let out a sigh and feel tears welling in my eyes.  
  
"I want this baby," I whisper to myself. I want Jack too, and I'm not sure I can have both right now—not with his girls and their behavior. It might be something they'll outgrow, but what if it's not?  
  
What if Hannah grows jealous and tries to hurt the baby? Would she do that? I wouldn't think so, but if she feels even more anger than she already is experiencing, anything could happen.  
  
"Oh, Jack." I shake my head and toss the pregnancy test into the trashcan. I wash my hands and head into my bedroom.  
  
I have but one choice, and I hope I'm not making the biggest mistake of my life. I love Jack and I want this child. I'm not sure I can do this alone and if I tell him, what then?  
  
I grab my suitcase, tossing in as many clothes as I can. I pocket my FBI badge and leave my cell phone and weapon on the nightstand, with no use for either of those things.  
  
I grab a piece of paper and quickly scribble, "I'm sorry, Jack." I leave the note on the kitchen table for him to see and shut off the lights. I leave my car keys, knowing he'll track me down if I take my vehicle. I grab the $200 cash I got from the ATM machine only hours before and head outside for a cab to the bus station.  
  
******************  
  
Jack Malone POV:  
  
Jack & Samantha Residence  
  
March 5, 2004  
  
10:45 p.m.  
  
The girls are in bed and I lie on the couch. I grab the phone and dial Samantha, wanting to make sure everything's all right—she seemed preoccupied at work.  
  
Her home phone rings four times until the machine picks up.  
  
"Sam, it's me. I wanted to see how you were doing. I'll try your cell phone. Love you." I hang up the phone and quickly dial her cell phone.  
  
Her cell phone rings several times before her voice mail picks up, "Sam, call me when you get this message."  
  
I hang up the phone and flip through the channels, waiting up to hear from her. She probably decided to go out for something to eat, but shouldn't she be home by now? Maybe she stopped by Danny's. She does hang out with him from time to time, although normally he comes over to her place.  
  
"Shit," I groan, frustrated at not being able to get a hold of her. I close my eyes, running my hand through my hair. "I'm sure it's nothing." I try to talk some sense into my head. She probably just turned the ringer off and fell asleep early.  
  
I flip off the television, stand up and head towards the bedroom. I change into a pair of pajamas and slip into the cold, lonely bed.  
  
I hate not having Samantha here with me; this is her home too. I wish I knew what to do to about the girls. Kate's slowly following in Hannah's footsteps, intentionally spilling and breaking things. I'm grateful Hannah hasn't tried anything more dramatic, but it still scares me.  
  
The therapist says it's probably a good idea to take things slow between Sam and myself for the time being—try to incorporate her slowly into our lives. Hannah doesn't want Sam around at all, and I can't blame her. After all, it was Samantha whom I was with when I didn't come home all those nights.  
  
I've suggested that Samantha should talk to Lisa Harris about everything but she laughs it off, telling me there's nothing to talk about. She acts like it doesn't bother her, but late at night when we're in bed, I feel her wet tears on the pillow and I hold her close. She pretends to be sleeping, but I know better. She won't talk about it with me and I worry that we're slowly breaking apart.  
  
I love Samantha, and I want nothing more than to have her in my life. I don't know what to do anymore, though. My children shouldn't rule my life and yet they do. They're my children; how can I not put them first, even before myself?  
  
I shut off the lights and grab the pillow that Sam normally sleeps on. I hold it close against me—since I can't hold her—and smell her wonderful perfume lingering on the pillowcase.  
  
"I love you, Sam. I hope you know that," I whisper into the night air as I close my eyes to sleep.  
  
**************  
  
Monica Reyes POV:  
  
Monica Reyes Residence  
  
March 5, 2004  
  
11:25 p.m.  
  
I hear a rapid knocking against the door. "Just a minute," I call out, pulling on my robe and glancing through the peephole. "Samantha?" I question, remembering her from a case a little over a month ago.  
  
"I'm sorry for coming by so late." She chews on her lips, her hands holding a suitcase.  
  
"Come inside," I say as I open the door and show her in. "What's wrong?" I take her bag from her hands, moving it to rest beside the couch.  
  
"I--" she pauses, giving me a brief, sad smile, "I had to get away. There was nowhere else I could go," she shakes her head. "I'm sorry, I--"  
  
"It's okay," I nod, giving her a refreshing smile. "You want coffee?" I head into the kitchen to put on a pot.  
  
"No." She absently moves her hand to her abdomen and I take note of her behavior.  
  
"Tea?"  
  
"Do you have decaf coffee?" Samantha questions, following me into the kitchen.  
  
"Yeah." I work on making coffee while she sits at the kitchen table.  
  
She jumps up, her heart racing as she glances around. "Did you hear that?"  
  
"I have company in the bedroom," I laugh softly, "but he's asleep."  
  
"Oh God," she runs her hand through her hair, "I'm so embarrassed."  
  
"Don't be," I reassure her.  
  
"I would have gone to John's home in Falls Church, but he wasn't home."  
  
"I know," I nod and she glances down the hall, realizing who my company is.  
  
"Oh." Her eyes tell me she understands and she lets out a soft laugh. "I'm sorry for intruding. I can get a hotel."  
  
"What are you running from?"  
  
"I can't go home," she shakes her head, her eyes staring at her hands. "I want to, but I can't."  
  
"Samantha," I slowly approach her, "you have to tell me what's going on." I take a seat beside her. "Does this have anything to do with Jack and Maria?"  
  
"Yes and no," she lets out a tired sigh. "They're getting a divorce."  
  
"And?" I question.  
  
"He has two girls who hate me."  
  
"It takes time," I offer.  
  
"We've given it almost a month but they won't budge an inch on the issue. Hannah scares me and I think she scares him too," she lets out a breath. "I don't want him to have to choose."  
  
"Choose? Between you and his children?" I clarify.  
  
"Between this baby and his girls," she answers.  
  
I nod my head, understanding why she's so upset.  
  
"Does he know?"  
  
"No," she closes her eyes, shaking her head. "I want him to know, but it's best if he doesn't."  
  
"Why?" I question gently, moving my hands over hers.  
  
"The girls won't accept it, and they don't accept me," she whispers. "It'll only make things worse and I'm not sure I can take it."  
  
"You have to try," I tell her. She gives me a sad, heartbreaking look. "You love him, right?"  
  
"Of course," she answers.  
  
"Then call him, Samantha. Tell him how you're feeling. He's not a mind reader."  
  
I see her lips form upwards. "Yeah," she nods with a sigh. "I'll do that in the morning."  
  
"You can stay the night here if you'd like."  
  
"Thanks," she smiles appreciatively, heading for the couch.  
  
"I have a guest room," I offer. "It's not the greatest, but it'll do for the night."  
  
She grabs her bag and follows me down the hall. "Thanks again, Monica."  
  
I shut the door for her and head quietly into the bedroom to see John on his back, with the light on, and sound asleep. I can't hide the smile on my face at how adorable he looks right now.  
  
*****************  
  
Samantha Spade POV:  
  
Monica Reyes Residence  
  
March 6, 2004  
  
12:45 a.m.  
  
I sit on the edge of the bed, listening to the quiet sounds of the night, waiting for everyone to fall asleep.  
  
When enough time passes, I grab my bag and tiptoe towards the door. I see a pad of paper by the phone and scribble a note.  
  
'I'm sorry but I couldn't do it. Please keep this between us.'  
  
I pick up my bag and quietly exit out her front door. I glance back, hoping she'll keep my secret because it's for the best.  
  
I hail a cab, having no idea where I want to go. "Bus station," I tell the driver, as I lean back and mull things over.  
  
"Ma'am." I feel the car stop and open my eyes.  
  
"I hadn't realized I'd dozed off," I laugh softly, handing the driver some cash before grabbing my bag and heading inside.  
  
I glance around, looking through the different routes, trying to decide what town would best suit me. I could go down to Richmond; I know there's a field office there I could transfer to. I suppose if I don't like Richmond, I could always go someplace else.  
  
I let out a soft sigh, heading towards the only open window to get a bus ticket. I hand over the money, and follow down to where the bus departs.  
  
In no time I'm sitting down on the bus, and I suddenly wish I had my cell phone. I could call Danny when I get there. I know he'd keep my secret and help me out with moving my things down here.  
  
I hope Jack will forgive me, but what other choice do I have? I can't take the chance that he'll tell me it's too soon for us to have this baby. I hope he'll understand when he finds out I'm gone. 


	4. Chapter 4

Jack Malone POV:  
  
Jack & Samantha Residence  
  
March 6, 2004  
  
9:45 a.m.  
  
"Hello?" I answer my cell phone, figuring it's Samantha.  
  
"Is this Jack Malone?"  
  
"Yes, who is this?"  
  
"I'm Agent Reyes. We met a little over a month ago."  
  
"Ahhh, what can I do for you, Agent Reyes?" I pour the girls some cereal and myself a glass of orange juice.  
  
"It's about Samantha."  
  
"What?" I drop the carton, letting out a sigh, as I pick it up and toss it into the sink. "What happened to her?"  
  
"She came to see me last night. She didn't tell you?"  
  
"No. I didn't realize you two were friends."  
  
"We're not," she answers. "I can't tell you why she's run off, but she's afraid of keeping you from your children."  
  
"She's run off? What can't you tell me?" I question.  
  
"I'm sorry," she answers and hangs up the phone. I toss the cell phone into the living room and slam my fist into the refrigerator.  
  
"Daddy?" Kate questions, her voice slightly alarmed and afraid. I grab a towel and mop up the floor.  
  
I close my eyes, trying to understand why she would have left. What good does she believe could come of this?  
  
I grab my phone from the floor, thankful it didn't break, and dial Danny.  
  
"It's Jack."  
  
"It's the weekend; don't you have a life," he groans.  
  
"Sam might have run off."  
  
"What do you mean?" Danny's voice shows alarm, so obviously she hasn't contacted him.  
  
"I got a call that she went to D.C. last night. I have a bad feeling about her going."  
  
"Don't worry. She probably needed to get away for the weekend," Danny yawns. "I'm sure she'll be in on Monday. Relax, enjoy your weekend, Jack." Danny hangs up the phone and I let out a frustrated sigh.  
  
"Finish your cereal, girls. We're going to stop at Samantha's apartment."  
  
"I don't want to go there," Hannah pouts.  
  
"You don't have a choice," I tell her sternly. The girls finish eating and I try Sam's house and cell phone again, but there's no answer.  
  
I gather the girls into the car and head off for Sam's apartment.  
  
In no time, we step through her front door, thanks to a spare key, and I glance around. I notice the note and feel my heart ripped from my chest.  
  
"She's gone," I whisper. Hannah hears my words and comes over to see the note.  
  
"Good," she grins, eyeing the scribbled letter.  
  
"I'm sorry, Daddy." Kate takes my hand, squeezing it as I glance over to see Hannah searching the apartment. Kate slips from my grasp and follows behind Hannah.  
  
My hands rest against the table, trying to understand why she left. Is it because we've been having some time apart for the sake of the girls? I thought she was okay with that. I thought she was the one who suggested it when they kept making her life hell. Maybe I shouldn't have brought her along so soon, but I love her and I love my children. I wanted us all to be a family.  
  
"Oh, Sam," I whisper, heading into her bedroom. I search her drawers, noticing some clothes, but a lot are missing. I head into her closet, noticing her suitcase gone and I shake my head. She really left? I can't believe it. Why would she do that to me—why?  
  
"Daddy, can I use the bathroom?" Kate tugs on my hand.  
  
"Yeah," I nod, watching as she goes inside and shuts the door. A few minutes later they both head into the living room and I do the same. I sit on her couch, trying to understand why she would leave. "Hannah, can you hit the play button on her answering machine."  
  
"Fine," she rolls her eyes and does as I've asked.  
  
I hear only my message and I feel my heart wrench at her being gone. I stand up. "Come on girls."  
  
"Where are we going?"  
  
"You two are going back to visit Mom."  
  
"But Dad," Hannah whines.  
  
"I have work to do."  
  
"You always have work," Kate groans.  
  
"Sam's gone," I state, opening the front door and escorting the girls to the car.  
  
"Maybe she doesn't want to be found," Hannah quips. I eye her to keep quiet. I try desperately to understand yesterday's events and what might have happened to her. Agent Reyes didn't make it sound like she was kidnapped or in trouble. She sounded like Sam ran off. Maybe I'll have to pay her a visit and find out exactly what's going on.  
  
**************  
  
Samantha Spade POV:  
  
Holiday Inn  
  
March 6, 2004  
  
12:35 p.m.  
  
I roll around in the bed, glancing at the clock and know it's only a matter of hours until Jack finds me. He's going to know I'm here, since I had to use my credit card to get a room.  
  
I suppose it doesn't matter if he finds me because I can't go home. "This is my home," I reaffirm, sitting up and grabbing a fresh change of clothes. I head into the shower, cleaning myself off, and then grab the phone and use the Bureau calling card to try Danny.  
  
"Hello?" he answers his cell phone, and I let out a soft breath.  
  
"It's Samantha."  
  
"Where are you?"  
  
"I can't go back, Danny."  
  
"What happened?" he questions.  
  
"I'm pregnant."  
  
"What's the problem?"  
  
"It's not Jack's," I lie, hoping that if Jack interrogates Danny, he won't come chasing after me.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Trust me," I respond.  
  
"When he finds out why you left, he's going to be pissed."  
  
"Not when he hears I've been doing what he's been doing to Maria," I quip.  
  
"I don't believe you, Samantha."  
  
"Believe it," I fight back, trying to sound plausible. "Either way you have to promise me you'll tell him I'm fine, but I had to leave."  
  
"Am I telling him about the baby too?"  
  
"I don't know," I chew on my lip nervously.  
  
"Jack dragged me into the office to look into your whereabouts," Danny says. "Since you're okay, why don't you talk to him?" He hands over the phone to Jack.  
  
"Hello?" I hear Jack's voice. "Sam, are you there?"  
  
I hang up the phone, not able to take the pressure. Seconds later it rings, but I refuse to answer it. The phone seems to ring endlessly, and I feel my stomach grow nauseous. I run to the bathroom and vomit the contents of my stomach. I flush the toilet, grab a rag, rinse it in cool water and place it against my forehead.  
  
I move to the bed, lie down and close my eyes once again, as I feel sick and overwhelmed. A few minutes pass and the phone begins to ring again.  
  
"What?" I groan, my stomach still queasy.  
  
"Samantha, what do you want me to do?" I hear Danny's voice.  
  
"Is Jack there?"  
  
"No, he's in his office, pissed as hell."  
  
"Did you tell him?"  
  
"About the baby, no. He got in touch with an FBI Agent in D.C. She claims she met with you last night. He's on the phone with her now."  
  
"Oh, no," I shake my head, "she'll tell him everything."  
  
"I see the way you two look at each other. What are you hoping to accomplish?"  
  
"I don't know," I whisper between silent tears. "I don't know."  
  
"I hope you figure it out because he's coming back over here and he looks like he could kill someone."  
  
"Great," I mumble, hanging up the phone with a sigh.  
  
I feel my stomach tense again and my skin grow sweaty and pale. I groan as I run into the bathroom, vomiting a second time today.  
  
"This sucks," I moan as I flush the toilet and run the cold tap water.  
  
I hear the phone jarring again and let out a resigned sigh.  
  
"What now?" I whisper, slightly dazed and still under the weather.  
  
"Sam?" I hear Jack's voice and close my eyes as I lie down in bed.  
  
"I don't feel good."  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
I don't care what happens because right now I feel like hell. I give in and tell him, "Morning sickness." I lay down the phone as I feel myself growing sick again. I sit up and reach for the trashcan; in seconds, my stomach brings everything up. I wipe my mouth and reach for the phone that's resting on the bed.  
  
"Sam, you're in Richmond, right?"  
  
"Jack, don't."  
  
"I'm coming to take you home."  
  
"Please," I plead with him, "it's better off this way."  
  
"For whom?"  
  
"You, me, your daughters." I close my eyes, trying to find some peace of mind.  
  
"Sam, I love you," he tells me soundly.  
  
"I know; that's why I had to get away." I hang up the phone and leave him with that thought as I try to sit up in bed. I consider my options. I could go someplace else but he'll find me—that's his job. I could also let him come to me, and tell him this baby isn't his. If he believes the lie, maybe then it would make things better. I don't see how, though.  
  
I groan, clutching my stomach as I collapse onto the bed in a heap. I feel tears in my eyes and wonder how other pregnant women can go through this. I've been lucky, as this is the first day with morning sickness. Maybe it's not morning sickness, so much as me being homesick. 


	5. Chapter 5

Jack Malone POV:  
  
Jack's Office  
  
March 6, 2004  
  
1:15 p.m.  
  
I grab my coat and head towards Danny's cubicle. "I finally got a hold of Sam. I'm heading to Richmond."  
  
"Mind if I come with you?"  
  
"If you think it'll help," I answer, as I head down to the car. I shake my head in confusion. "I can't believe she's pregnant. She should have told me sooner."  
  
"Hold on," Danny eyes me as I start the car and pull out from the parking garage. "Who told you she's pregnant?"  
  
"She said she had morning sickness. What else does that mean?" I question. Danny's suddenly very quiet, and his silence scares me. "What did she tell you?" My voice rises in anger.  
  
"Oh, no," he shakes his head, "I'm not getting in the middle of this one."  
  
"I'd like to know why she ran away. I spoke with the woman she tried to stay with last night, and she mentioned it was because of my kids and how they rejected her. I can't see that being all, and now knowing she's pregnant--", I let out a sigh in frustration.  
  
"I think she was trying to protect you, Jack."  
  
"What?" I glance towards him and back at the road.  
  
"Leaving you. I don't think she could handle the pressure of telling you she was having a baby and then your kids not liking their half-brother or sister."  
  
"I don't buy it."  
  
"Well, that or it's not your kid," Danny quips.  
  
"No," I shake my head, "there's no one else. I would know."  
  
"I'm just saying," Danny shrugs and sits there in silence. I let out a frustrated sigh and hit the gas so we can get there as soon as possible.  
  
************  
  
Samantha Spade POV:  
  
Holiday Inn  
  
March 6, 2004  
  
6:39 p.m.  
  
I lounge around, not really hungry and too tired from vomiting most of the day to do anything more than sleep.  
  
I eye the clock, realizing if Jack's really coming, he'll be here any minute. I can face the consequences or—a loud knock at my door tells me it's too late to run.  
  
"Samantha!" I hear his voice as he continuously knocks, waiting for a response.  
  
"Just a second," I groan, stumbling towards the door. My skin is still pale and my hair is tied back in a messy tangle. I pull back the door and head right back for the bed and crawl between the sheets.  
  
"Sam, I don't think you have morning sickness." He moves towards the bed and I notice Danny coming inside apprehensively.  
  
"Yeah, must be a touch of the flu," I groan, grabbing for the trashcan.  
  
"Have you had any fluids since you've been sick?"  
  
"I can't keep anything down," I answer, before I dry heave into the trashcan.  
  
Jack sits beside me, his hand on my forehead. "Go down and get her some Gatorade," he instructs Danny. I hear the door latch shut and a few minutes later I lie down and shut my eyes.  
  
"Sam, I'm worried about you."  
  
"I'll be fine," I answer, trying to lie perfectly still so I don't puke again.  
  
"How long have you been sick?"  
  
"I don't know—too long," I whimper.  
  
"I can drive you home, and you can try to make an appointment with your doctor?"  
  
"No," I shake my head. "I don't get sick."  
  
"Could have fooled me," he quips. I eye him to shut up. "Why don't you let me take you home and to my doctor? He can prescribe you something that will help you sleep."  
  
"No drugs," I shake my head, the movement making me puke once again.  
  
I hear the door and Jack quickly opens it to let Danny in.  
  
"Here," he hands Jack the bottle and he opens it for me. Once I'm finished throwing up, I lie back down. "Don't drink too much."  
  
"I won't," I answer, taking a tiny sip of the drink.  
  
"I think we should get her to a hospital," Danny whispers towards Jack. They exchange glances. "Dehydration," Danny points out, trying not to bring up the main reason for his concern—if I'm pregnant, this could cause major concern and be a health risk to the baby.  
  
"I don't want to go to the hospital," I groan, covering my face with my hand. "Isn't there some other option?"  
  
"Samantha," I hear Danny's voice and can feel his eyes staring at me. "It's for the best," he tries to reason with me.  
  
"Jack," I plead with him as I feel my stomach assaulting me again. I grab for the trashcan, and after I'm done puking, Jack helps me stand up. "Please," I groan, begging not to be taken to the hospital.  
  
"You're not getting any better on your own," he answers. Danny opens the door and helps escort me down to the car.  
  
"Ugh," I groan, shutting my eyes as soon as I sit down. "Do you even know where you're going?"  
  
"Believe it or not, I do," he answers. Danny hands me the ice bucket and I clench on, ready at a moment's notice.  
  
We get to the admissions desk at the hospital, and I'm grateful Jack knows how to answer just about every question for me—except the clincher.  
  
"Date of last menstruation?"  
  
"Sam?" I hear Jack's voice, calling me back to reality. I groan, feeling my stomach somersaulting as I grip with white knuckles a small pan the nurses offered me in the waiting area.  
  
"I--" Jack's eyes are on me and Danny immediately glances away, knowing the honest answer.  
  
"This is the last question, sweetheart," the woman tells me. "You'll be in a bed in no time." She eyes me, intent on the date and I can't bring myself to lie.  
  
"I don't know," I fathom, figuring it's not a lie. I really can't remember, because it's been so long.  
  
Jack lets out a sigh and eyes the woman as she types something into the computer. "You can go back in the waiting area. We'll call you when it's time."  
  
Thirty minutes later, I'm sitting in a wheelchair, being escorted into a fairly large room, with a curtain separating the area.  
  
I lie against the small bed, as the nurse comes in and closes the curtain to help me change into a gown. Jack and Danny are both on the other side and as the nurse approaches me, I gesture for her to come closer.  
  
"I think I might be pregnant," I whisper, chewing on my lip. She eyes the chart.  
  
"I don't think this is morning sickness. When was your last period?" Her voice is above a whisper and I glance around, hoping Jack hasn't heard.  
  
"Over a month," I respond. "I took a pregnancy test last night and it came back positive."  
  
"Those are supposed to be done in the morning."  
  
"So, I'm not?" I question with intrigue.  
  
"We'll run a blood test, along with some other tests." I lie back, and she covers me with a warm blanket. "We're going to give you an IV and see what the results of your electrolytes are. We'll see what the doctor has to say about you being pregnant." She smiles reassuringly and lowers her voice. "Are they with you?" she asks as she gestures towards the feet on the other side of the curtain.  
  
"Yes," I nod with a yawn, feeling my stomach tense again. "I don't want them to know I might be pregnant."  
  
"Don't worry," she pats my arm gently, then scribbles a few notes down and opens the curtain. She heads out of the room and Jack moves towards the bed.  
  
"Did the nurse give you anything yet?" he eyes me. I shut my eyes, not wanting to tell him about the possibility of being pregnant.  
  
"Samantha," I hear Danny's voice and glance into his eyes. He's standing at the foot of the bed.  
  
I nod my head, knowing that I should tell Jack, and I want to—just not right now.  
  
*****************  
  
Jack Malone POV:  
  
Richmond Medical Center  
  
March 6, 2004  
  
8:19 p.m.  
  
I take a seat beside her bed, clasping her hand in mine. She lets out a small moan in protest as she once again sits up to vomit. Her skin grows pale as she slips out from under the covers.  
  
She hovers above the bedpan for a few minutes before lying back down. She doesn't vomit and I hope she won't again.  
  
I'm worried about her. I still don't understand why she ran. I can't figure out what she's so afraid of. I can see the fear and heartache in her eyes, and it scares me. Does she really want to leave me? Am I not making her happy? Maybe she hasn't changed—I know she hated being tied down before I came along, but I thought things were different now.  
  
Oh, Sam. I wish I knew what to do and what to say to make things better between us. One failed marriage and now this. I shake my head in disgust. I had no right to step into her life and hurt her. She should have turned me in to OPR when she had the chance.  
  
I move my free hand to her face, brushing the sweaty strands from her forehead. Her eyes flutter open and I feel my stomach in my throat.  
  
With such a simple look, I see and feel so much. I squeeze her hand, trying to reassure her—and myself as well.  
  
I don't have time to say anything and I worry that my voice and any other sounds might cause her to latch on to the bedpan again.  
  
I hear footsteps into the room, and see the doctor slowly going over her chart while approaching the bed.  
  
"If you could wait out there, I'd appreciate it," the doctor smiles politely and I give one final squeeze to Sam's hand before slipping from her view.  
  
I move to the other side of the room, the curtain dividing us. Danny takes a seat in the spare chair, and I pace a hole in the floor.  
  
"She'll be fine," Danny tries to reassure me.  
  
"I know," I nod. "I really screwed up, I can't believe she tried running away," I eye Danny. "I just wish I knew what I did to upset her."  
  
"Maybe it's what you didn't do."  
  
"What are you talking about?" He's quiet, contemplating if he should say anything more. "Danny, if you know anything--"  
  
"You need to talk to Samantha."  
  
I let out a frustrated sigh and see the doctor pull back the curtain. Samantha has tears falling from her eyes.  
  
"Shhh," I move towards the bed, ready to grasp her hand when she pulls it to her face, to hide and cover the tears. "You'll be all right." I try and soothe her worries and emotions.  
  
She nods her head and closes her eyes. I can't tell if she doesn't want to face me, or if the medicine she was given is making her tired.  
  
I feel Danny's hand on my shoulder and I step back from Sam's bed.  
  
His voice is low, to keep her from waking up. "Why don't we get something to eat while she's sleeping? She's not going to want to be around food later."  
  
"Yeah," I nod in agreement and follow Danny down to the cafeteria. 


	6. Chapter 6

Samantha Spade POV:  
  
Richmond Medical Center  
  
March 6, 2004  
  
10:39 p.m.  
  
I open my eyes, feeling a little better in terms of nausea, but slightly dizzy. "Danny?" I see him glancing through a magazine and he looks up, surprised to see me awake.  
  
"How are you feeling?"  
  
"Fair," I yawn. "Where's Jack?"  
  
"Bathroom. You look better."  
  
I nod my head and he stands up and approaches the bed. "What'd they say about you being pregnant—anything?" He eyes me with worry and sadness.  
  
"They're not sure yet," I whisper. "The doctor said they wanted to keep me overnight for observation." My voice catches in my throat and Danny sighs and rests his hand on my arm.  
  
"Hey," I glance up to see Jack making his way into the room. "You're looking better. I talked to the doctor on the way back in and they said they wouldn't release you until tomorrow?" he eyes me curiously.  
  
"That's what they said," I answer, my mouth dry. I close my eyes, not ready to tell Jack the news just yet. I feel his eyes on me, and I shift uncomfortably under his scrutiny.  
  
I hear footsteps approaching the bed. "We're going to move Ms. Spade." My eyes open, as I watch the scene unfold before me.  
  
"Is everything okay?" Jack glances from the doctor and back towards me.  
  
"We have a few tests to run. When we're done, we'll move her into a private room for overnight observation."  
  
The nurse comes into the room and helps me into a wheelchair. "Your color's back," she tells me with a smile. "How's your stomach?"  
  
"Better. I just feel like I could fall over," I laugh softly.  
  
"We'll have to make sure you don't," she answers.  
  
"Is it all right if we come too?" Jack questions.  
  
"I think it would be best if you stay in the waiting area. We'll come and get you, as soon as she's done."  
  
Jack leans down, pressing a kiss to my forehead as I am strolled down the hall.  
  
"Where are we going?" I question.  
  
"Your lab work came back positive," she leans down to whisper, "but we want to make sure nothing's changed."  
  
I nod my head, letting out a soft breath.  
  
"Don't worry," she smiles, strolling me into the room I'll be staying in. She helps me into the bed and brings in the equipment to run an ultrasound.  
  
"Isn't it too early?"  
  
"No," she shakes her head. "We're going to look for a strong heartbeat and make sure everything looks good. It's good you didn't wait any longer to come in."  
  
I nod my head, closing my eyes and praying that everything will be all right.  
  
****************  
  
Jack Malone POV:  
  
Richmond Medical Center  
  
March 6, 2004  
  
11:28 p.m.  
  
I shove my hand into my pocket, gathering my car keys. "Get some sleep," I say as I hand them to Danny.  
  
"What about you?" I sit slouched forward, my elbows on my knees with my head in my hands.  
  
"I've got to stay with her."  
  
"Jack."  
  
"I have to know she's okay. I'm worried. They shouldn't need to keep her overnight."  
  
Danny rests a hand on my shoulder and says, "Relax."  
  
"Easier said than done," I huff.  
  
"Jack." His eyes rest on me and I feel as if he knows something I don't. He lets out a contemplative sigh. "Don't upset her," he tells me, as he stands up and heads for the door with my keys in his hand.  
  
I let out a sigh and close my eyes, trying to calm my thoughts. There's so much I don't understand, including why she ran away. I can't even comprehend why she would do that. I know she has commitment fears, but to do this is absurd.  
  
I feel a hand on my shoulder. "Samantha's ready to see you now." I glance up at the nurse's face and follow her into a private room. "She's sleeping," she warns me, "but she seems to be doing better. She'll likely be released in the morning."  
  
"What was wrong with her?"  
  
"I'm sorry, but I can't discuss that with you," she answers. "There's a chair for you to sit down in, and we can bring in a cot for the night, if you'd like."  
  
"The chair's fine," I answer, as I slip inside her room and see her lying peacefully under the covers.  
  
I take a seat beside her bed, wanting to touch her but not wanting to rouse her. She needs her sleep and I close my eyes, resting as uncomfortably as imaginable till the early hours of the morning.  
  
"Jack?" I hear her scratchy voice and open my eyes to see her watching me.  
  
"How are you feeling?"  
  
"Thirsty," she croaks out and I get her a cup of water and some ice to slowly down. "Thanks," she yawns and I put the plastic cup on the end table.  
  
"Everything's okay?" I feel her eyes on me and she glances away towards the window. "Sam?"  
  
"Everything's fine," she whispers in a haze.  
  
"It doesn't sound that way. You want to tell me what's going on?"  
  
I hear footsteps enter the room and see Danny following behind the doctor.  
  
"Everything seems to be good. Are you feeling any better?"  
  
"Much," she answers with a nod.  
  
"We're going to release you, but we urge you to have a good 48 hours of bed rest. We don't want any complications."  
  
She nods her head as the doctor slips out of the room. "Complications?" I repeat. "Sam?"  
  
She stares at Danny, trying to avoid the question as long as possible. "Jack, I'm--," she lets out a sigh, as I hang on her words.  
  
"You're what?"  
  
"Pregnant," she whispers, and I swear my jaw drops to the floor.  
  
"I thought you had the stomach flu?"  
  
"I did," she nods. "I'm also two months pregnant."  
  
"How?"  
  
"How do you think?" she laughs softly.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"I didn't know till--" her voice trails off and I hear Danny slipping out of the room to give us privacy.  
  
"Why did you run?"  
  
"Why do you think?" she eyes me. "You have two girls who hate me. I can't deal with that right now."  
  
"They don't hate you," I try and reassure her.  
  
She laughs softly, shaking her head. "They hate me."  
  
"Sam, it just takes time."  
  
"It's been time!"  
  
"Less than a month," I point out, "Hannah's still seeing a therapist and fighting her off. She'll get through to her and we'll be okay."  
  
"Will we?" Her eyes look hurt.  
  
"Sam, tell me you want this baby?"  
  
"I do," she nods with a sigh. "I'm just not sure I'm ready for you to be the father."  
  
"Samantha?" I shake my head. "I love you." I take her hands, pressing a sturdy kiss to her palms as I clench on to her fingers.  
  
"I know," she answers. "I love you too but you have two children as it is. You don't need a third."  
  
"Sam," my voice catches in my throat.  
  
"I want a transfer."  
  
"What?" I croak out.  
  
"I want to transfer to the Richmond field office," she repeats as I feel my heart ripped in two.  
  
"No, you don't. You're just upset."  
  
"Jack," her voice is steady and her eyes are never wavering. "I love you but I can't be a mother to your children. I can't take the chance that they'll hurt or even so much as be mean to this child." She draws her hand along her stomach. "Maybe one day we'll be able to be together, but now isn't the right time."  
  
She closes her eyes, not being able to face me. I draw my hand to her cheek, trying to get her eyes on me.  
  
"Sam," I whisper, drying her tears with my finger. "I want to be a part of this child's life."  
  
"You can't." She burns me with her words, "You have two children who need you more than I do."  
  
"Sam--" She silences me with a look.  
  
"Take me to the hotel?"  
  
"You need plenty of rest," I remind her, watching as the nurse comes in and helps her into a change of clothes and then into a wheelchair.  
  
"I can walk," she laughs, trying to fight off her attempts but finally succumbing when reminded that she needs rest.  
  
I carefully help her into my car, as Danny offers to drive us back to the hotel. I allow him, so he can pull up in front of the hotel and I can help her inside.  
  
"Jack," she laughs softly, with my hand supporting her body. "I'm fine!"  
  
"I'm not letting you go," I tell her, hitting the button for the elevator. Her eyes meet mine with the words and she lets out a sigh.  
  
"I wasn't trying to run away," she pauses. "I just can't take the fact your kids hate me and might hate my child. I don't want my baby to go through what I've been through."  
  
"Maybe they won't hate the baby," I question.  
  
"They will," she sighs. "It affirms that you're with me and not with Maria."  
  
"Am I?" I eye her. "I don't feel like I'm with you anymore. You keep the pregnancy from me, you try and run off--"  
  
"Jack," her eyes tell me to be quiet and I nod, knowing she doesn't need to be hearing this right now. She still isn't one hundred percent better, and I want to make sure she will be all right. 


	7. Chapter 7

Samantha Spade POV:  
  
Holiday Inn  
  
March 7, 2004  
  
10:28 a.m.  
  
Jack helps me into bed, and I slip beneath the covers before shutting my eyes.  
  
I hear his footsteps and let out a soft breath. "You can go home," I tell him. He stops moving and I can imagine him staring at me with utter discontent.  
  
I open my eyes to see him gaze at me. "Home," he repeats with a soft breath. "Samantha, wherever you are is home."  
  
"Jack, don't," I tell him before closing my eyes.  
  
I feel the bed shift and his body slides in beside mine. "Is the baby okay?" he whispers and I nod with a yawn, opening my eyes to see his face inches from mine.  
  
"They gave me some vitamins to make sure, but everything seemed fine."  
  
"I hope you're not lying to me."  
  
"I'm not," I yawn, rolling onto my side to face him. "I'm sorry about running. I freaked out when I thought I was pregnant."  
  
His hand moves into my hair, softly brushing it from my face. "I know," he nods. "When you're feeling better, will you come home with me?"  
  
"No," I whisper. "I'm sorry, Jack, but I can't."  
  
He looks as though I've shot him with my gun. His face is pale, his eyes filled with sadness and his heart is broken.  
  
"Samantha," his voice pleads with me, "don't do this."  
  
"I have to," I answer, closing my eyes so I don't feel guilty or upset.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"It's what's best for our son."  
  
"We're having a boy?" I can hear the smile on his lips, and I open my eyes to see his eyes filled with hope.  
  
"Yes," I nod.  
  
"And you're going to deprive me of seeing my only son?"  
  
"Jack, I'm doing this for your girls," I remind him. "They don't want to be a part of my life and I can't blame them."  
  
"They're children." He blows out an annoyed breath, the warm air whisking past my neck.  
  
"They're your children," I remind him.  
  
"Sam," he draws his hand along my cheek, and I close my eyes, allowing myself to relax. "You would leave me?" His voice is soft and he's trying not to sound hurt.  
  
"Only if it was for the best. It wouldn't be forever, unless that's what you wanted."  
  
"Then why move? Why not continue with what we've been doing?"  
  
"It's not working," I breathe, feeling his hands moving down my back to hold me close. "It isn't like you'd never see me again. I'm sure we'd work cases together."  
  
"Transfer within our division."  
  
"Jack," I shake my head no, feeling his fingers slipping beneath my shirt, as his hand slowly teases my warm flesh. I know what he's trying to do. He wants me to give in to him. He knows I can't resist when he kisses me all over, when his hands travel paths along my burning skin.  
  
I feel his lips moving down to my neck, slowly sucking the skin as his hand dances down my back and over my stomach. He can barely feel the bulge since I've been sick and I'm surprised neither of us noticed it before.  
  
"Samantha," he whispers into my ear, his fingers sliding lower and into the waistband of my pants, as he showers my mouth with kisses.  
  
"You're not worried about getting sick?" I eye him before letting out a soft puff of air as he kisses me again.  
  
"That's the least of my worries," he answers, drawing his mouth over mine as his fingers continue to tease me.  
  
"Jack," I feel my cheeks growing flushed and my skin burning. His mouth delivers soft kisses along my jaw line, and I grow restless beneath his touch.  
  
My eyes shut as I slip onto my back, feeling my body arch as he drags his fingers to tease me. My pulse races as my breathing thickens. "Please." I chew on my bottom lip, feeling his mouth capture mine.  
  
"Come home," he whispers into my ear as I feel my heart rate slowly coming down and I try to catch my breath.  
  
**********  
  
Jack Malone POV:  
  
Holiday Inn  
  
March 7, 2004  
  
11:25 a.m.  
  
I watch as she falls into a light sleep. I lean down, pressing one final kiss to her cheek before slipping out of bed.  
  
I grab my cell phone and slip out into the hallway where I dial Monica Reyes, as promised.  
  
"Reyes," she answers.  
  
"It's Jack Malone."  
  
"Hey, did you find her?" Her voice holds concern and I let out a soft thankful breath.  
  
"Yes," I nod. "I appreciate all the help you've been. She told me she was pregnant. I'm assuming that's the big secret you've kept from me?"  
  
"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you sooner," she lets out a soft breath. "Congratulations are in order, though."  
  
"Not exactly," I say as I let out a deep breath.  
  
"I know it's none of my business, but is everything all right?"  
  
"It will be," I answer. "I just wanted to call and thank you for letting me know."  
  
"Glad I could help. I'm sort of in the middle of something--" her voice trails off.  
  
"I'll let you go." I hang up the phone and head towards Danny's room.  
  
I knock twice, waiting for him to open the door and let me inside.  
  
"You look like hell."  
  
"Thanks," I quip, taking a seat on the sofa.  
  
"You sleep at all last night?"  
  
"Yeah, not great though."  
  
"You want to crash here?"  
  
"Thanks, but I'm still keeping an eye on Sam." Danny nods in understanding. "When did she tell you she thought she was pregnant?"  
  
"She called me when we were still in D.C."  
  
"You knew all along and didn't tell me?"  
  
"She told you!" he reminds me. "She thought she had morning sickness."  
  
"Yeah, but I thought--" I pause. "Never mind," I shake my head dismissively.  
  
"Is she coming home with us?" Danny eyes me.  
  
"I'm working on it. She wants to transfer here."  
  
"You want me to talk to her?" he eyes me. "I might be able to knock some sense into her."  
  
I let out a soft breath. "I'm about out of ideas. I've considered denying her the transfer but that'll only complicate things."  
  
"Have you considered moving here?" Danny's eyes lock with mine.  
  
I nod my head with a sigh. "I get the impression she'd leave and go somewhere else. I'm just worried we might not find her the next time."  
  
Danny nods his head, thinking things over. "I was going to order lunch. You want something?"  
  
"What'd you have in mind?" I question. He grabs the take-out menu that was on the counter and hands it to me.  
  
We order lunch and spend the rest of the afternoon relaxing before Danny heads back to the city.  
  
"I'll be back as soon as Samantha's all right to be left alone," I remind him.  
  
"You'll never leave her alone," Danny points out as he grabs his bag. He insisted on being at work tomorrow morning, so I take him to the bus station.  
  
***************  
  
Samantha Spade POV:  
  
Holiday Inn  
  
March 7, 2004  
  
4:25 p.m.  
  
I roll around, shifting beneath the sheets. My eyes slowly open, glancing around the empty room. Did Jack actually take my advice and go home? As much as I want us to be a family, I know he loves his daughters and they want nothing to do with me. What other choice do I have? Besides, he's still legally married to Maria—as far as I know.  
  
I hear the door and see Jack making his way inside.  
  
"How long have you been up?"  
  
"Not long," I answer. "I thought you left."  
  
Jack shakes his head no. "The doctor said you needed to take it easy. I already called Van Doren and told her we wouldn't be in."  
  
"Did you tell her I'll be transferring?"  
  
"Not yet," he answers with a sigh. "Are you sure I can't change your mind?"  
  
"It's not my mind you have to change," I answer.  
  
"Sam," he moves towards the bed, his voice pleading with me. "Please come home; they're just children."  
  
"It's not just about them," I answer.  
  
"Then what is this about?"  
  
"Jack," I let out a soft breath, "when I have this baby," my hand falls down to my stomach, "I don't want to be working with his father and the child not knowing him."  
  
"That would never happen." He moves towards me and rests a hand on my shoulder.  
  
"Do you think our jobs will still be there then?"  
  
"Sam," he shakes his head, "let things come one at a time. Don't try running away to prevent all that."  
  
"You don't get it," I sigh. "It doesn't matter." My head hangs low in defeat.  
  
"It matters—you matter," he tells me, drawing his finger under my chin. He leans my head up to meet his eyes. "Don't ever believe otherwise."  
  
"I know," I answer, "I just--", I pause, trying to think and even understand what I want to say. "I want this baby. I don't think I can have you and the baby—not with your children being involved. They hate me, Jack. I can't raise a son and take the chance they'll hate him too."  
  
"What if they don't? You'll give up on us?"  
  
"Never," I whisper. "I love you," my eyes meet his. "I just can't take all this pressure," I laugh softly. "It's more than just that, though—your family doesn't accept me and I won't force them to."  
  
"So you're going to move down here, when I accept you?"  
  
"Jack," I laugh softly in a painful tone, "don't." I shake my head.  
  
"I want us to get married one day."  
  
"You're still married to Maria!"  
  
"We're working on the divorce papers," he reminds me, "and the girls will come around. It just might not be tomorrow."  
  
"I know," I answer.  
  
"So is that a 'yes'?"  
  
"I don't see a ring," I glance down at my empty hand with a smile.  
  
"Sam," he leans down, pressing a kiss to my lips. "Come home with me," he whispers.  
  
I stare into his eyes. "Your home or mine?"  
  
"Whatever you want," he answers. He leans down, his forehead against mine. "I'd like you to come home to our place but if you want to stay in your apartment, I can accept that—for a little while," he whispers before kissing me again.  
  
He lies down beside me, and I reach for the remote and flip on the television.  
  
I feel his gaze on me.  
  
"What?" I glance over towards him.  
  
"You look like you're feeling better."  
  
"Yeah," I nod.  
  
"So, no morning sickness then?"  
  
"Not yet," I laugh softly. "Guess I've been lucky."  
  
Jack draws his hand to my stomach, his eyes staring at my belly, which hardly looks any different than two months ago. "We're having ourselves a boy?" his eyes meet mine.  
  
"Yeah, there's an ultrasound picture in my jacket."  
  
"Can I take a look?"  
  
I nod my head and he grabs my coat, digging through the folded paper at the black and white picture. He stares at it, and I'm not sure what's running through his mind.  
  
He brings it to the bed, showing it to me. "Did you see this?"  
  
"Yeah," I smile.  
  
"I wish I had been in there when they did the ultrasound."  
  
"You can be there the next time," I offer as I glance back at the television with a yawn.  
  
"Are you hungry at all?"  
  
"Not really, although I should probably eat something light."  
  
"That's what I was thinking. You want soup?" he suggests.  
  
"That sounds good," I nod, and he calls down to room service and orders us both something to eat.  
  
*************  
  
Samantha Spade POV:  
  
Jack & Samantha Residence  
  
March 8, 2004  
  
2:25 p.m.  
  
Jack helps me up the stairs and into our apartment. He's careful to make sure I don't slip on the icy stairwell outside, as he keeps his arm around my waist.  
  
He unlocks the door and helps me to lie down on the sofa, making sure I don't have much to do. He's been incredibly over-protective of the baby since the doctor's orders for me to rest. I can't blame him, though, as it's his child he's concerned for.  
  
He hands me the remote. "I'll be back in a minute. I'm going to bring your suitcase in."  
  
"Thanks," I answer, watching as he heads out into the snow. Thankfully, the snow just started and the roads were clear.  
  
He plops my bag by the door.  
  
"You going to pick up the girls this afternoon?" I eye him reluctantly.  
  
"If you promise not to run," he answers. "You need to be resting," he reminds me.  
  
"I know," I nod with a sigh. "I'll stay here."  
  
"I'll probably be a few hours. I'm going to stop by Maria's office and find out about the divorce papers. Then I'll take Hannah to therapy."  
  
"Fun," I muse.  
  
"Yeah," he answers, "it beats the alternative."  
  
"Which is--?"  
  
"Putting her on medication. You'd be surprised the different diagnoses the doctors had for her. It was ridiculous."  
  
"I'm sorry," I answer, not sure what else to say.  
  
"It's not your fault," he answers, leaning down to press a kiss to my forehead. "I'm going to head out. I'll leave the phone beside you, in case anyone calls."  
  
"Okay," I nod with a yawn.  
  
"You're still tired?" he smiles as he heads towards the door. "I love you," he whispers and shuts the door. I feel tears in my eyes.  
  
"I love you too," I answer into the air for no one to hear. I close my eyes, letting my body relax as I take another nap. 


	8. Chapter 8

Jack Malone POV:  
  
Dr. Sterling  
  
March 8, 2004  
  
3:55 p.m.  
  
I wait, with Hannah sitting beside me, and she glances through a magazine, while Kate is sitting at a small table, coloring with markers.  
  
I've already informed the girls that Samantha's back and is having a baby in a few months. Kate seemed genuinely enthusiastic, while Hannah refused to say anything.  
  
"Hannah," Dr. Sterling comes out, waving for us to go inside.  
  
"Kate," I eye her.  
  
"I know," she nods. "Stay in here, don't leave, don't talk to strangers." She blows me a kiss and I walk with Hannah back towards the doctor's office.  
  
"The past few weeks, Maria and I have found it more productive if I speak with Hannah alone." She smiles politely towards me, showing me back to the waiting area while they have their therapy session.  
  
"I knew you'd be back," Kate grins, coming over towards me. "I made this for you." She hands me a picture of a baby that a woman with blonde hair is holding. "This is Samantha with her baby. This is us," she shows me another picture of Maria, the girls, and myself. "Why can't we keep it this way?"  
  
"Come here," I tell her, lifting her into my lap as she glances up at me.  
  
"You know your mother and I weren't happy when we were living together. I loved tucking you in, reading you stories, watching television with you, and playing games, but do you remember all the fighting between your mother and me?" She nods with her big brown eyes. "That wasn't fun, was it?"  
  
"No," she answers softly, her eyes looking downward. "Will you leave us like Samantha left you?"  
  
"No," I answer, "I will always be your father and I will always be in your life," I tell Kate, giving her a hug as she clings to me.  
  
"What about Samantha? Why does she have to live with us?"  
  
"I love her, just like I love you girls. I would hope that you would be respectful and nice to her."  
  
"I am," she answers with a pleading voice. "I wasn't like Hannah."  
  
"No, but you didn't make her feel welcome either."  
  
"I know," she lets out a sigh, "but I don't want a new mommy."  
  
"You'll still have your mom and then you're going to get another one, someday."  
  
"Two moms?" she questions.  
  
"Yes," I nod.  
  
"Are you going to marry Samantha?"  
  
"One day. I hope that you'll accept her when I do?"  
  
"She's going to have my brother or sister?" Kate questions.  
  
"Yes," I nod, "you'll have a half-brother that needs your love and someone to look up to. Can you do that?"  
  
"Yeah," she smiles eagerly. "Does Mommy know yet?" Kate whispers.  
  
"Not yet," I answer with a soft breath. I dread even the thought of telling Maria—maybe because I'm concerned about her reaction. It's not as though she doesn't know about the affair with Samantha, but it finalizes everything, including the divorce.  
  
******************  
  
Samantha Spade POV:  
  
Jack & Samantha Residence  
  
March 8, 2004  
  
5:45 p.m.  
  
I glance towards the clock, knowing Jack will be home any moment. He's planning to drop the girls off at Maria's on his way over.  
  
I let out a breath, remembering that he'll likely be telling her about the pregnancy. I can only venture a guess as to her reaction.  
  
I grab at the blanket over the sofa, tugging it around me before closing my eyes. I let out a soft breath and minutes later hear the door unlock.  
  
I keep my eyes shut and hear his footsteps against the floor. He heads towards the sofa, leans down and draws his fingers through my hair, then kisses my temple.  
  
"Mmm," I feel a smile playing on my lips.  
  
"How'd it go?" I yawn, rolling onto my back to stare up at him. He kneels on the floor and I roll onto my side, giving him room to sit beside me.  
  
"Kate seems to be taking the news pretty well."  
  
"And Hannah?"  
  
"She won't talk to me," Jack answers. "I told Maria about the baby."  
  
"And?" I sit up slowly, curious for more information.  
  
"She thinks we should have used something," he laughs softly.  
  
I roll my eyes. "Are the girls coming over Friday night?"  
  
"I don't know," he answers honestly. "They are supposed to, but if Hannah is really against coming over, I won't force her."  
  
"I can go back to my apart—" Jack silences me with a kiss.  
  
"You're staying here," he eyes me intently. "Besides, I don't see why you need your own place. This is your home too."  
  
"Jack," I sigh and shake my head. "Do you think Van Doren would be so accepting?"  
  
"She probably doesn't even know where you live."  
  
"Martin and Danny do," I point out.  
  
"Do you think they'd tell her?"  
  
"Martin might," I laugh softly, "especially when he finds out I'm pregnant with your son." Jack looks confused. "I think he has a slight crush on me," I answer with a smile.  
  
"Who doesn't?" He kisses me tenderly, his hand running through my hair. "You hungry?"  
  
"Not really."  
  
"I'll make dinner. You need to start thinking about our son." He eyes me and then my stomach.  
  
"I know," I answer with a sigh and a yawn.  
  
"Get some rest. I'll wake you when dinner's ready."  
  
"Thanks," I respond, closing my eyes and feeling Jack press a soft kiss to my forehead before he shifts off the sofa and heads into the kitchen.  
  
Once we've finished dinner and Jack insists on clearing the table, I head into the bathroom for a shower. As far as I can tell, I still smell of vomit and sweat, even though Jack denies it.  
  
"Be careful," he reminds me, as I head towards the bedroom.  
  
"You want to join me?" I tease. "Then you can keep an eye on me," I laugh softly.  
  
"Don't tempt me," he answers, moving towards me for another tasty kiss. "I need to finish up in here, though." He eyes me seriously. "Would a bath be better? More relaxing? You're supposed to take it easy," he reminds me.  
  
I plant a soft kiss on his lips. "I'll be fine in the shower."  
  
I leave the bathroom door cracked, letting him come in if he desires. I run the shower, peel off my clothes and step beneath the warm spray.  
  
I let out a sigh, feeling the water wash away the dirt as I glance down at my abdomen. Two months and I never knew, I shake my head with a sigh. I grab the soap and shampoo and clean myself all over before rinsing and shutting off the water. I wrap a large, fluffy towel around my body, then shut the bathroom door, keeping the warmth contained in the small room.  
  
"Sam?" Jack knocks softly against the door.  
  
"I'll be done in a minute," I answer, drying myself off and slipping into a pair of pajamas. I head into the dimly lit bedroom, seeing Jack beneath the covers.  
  
"Bedtime all ready?" I smile, tossing my dirty clothes into the laundry basket. I flip off the light and then crawl into bed beside Jack.  
  
"We don't have to go to sleep right away," he answers, his breath warm against my neck.  
  
"I'm not exactly in the mood for anything sexual."  
  
"It's okay," he answers with a reassuring nod. "You're supposed to be resting," he reminds me, drawing his arm around my waist as he holds me close.  
  
I let out a soft sigh, rolling onto my side to face him. "What if we don't get through this?"  
  
"What?" he eyes me confused.  
  
"Your girls, the baby." I let out a soft breath of air that teases his lips.  
  
"There are no what-ifs," he answers. "Kate seems to be handling the adjustment well and Hannah will come around."  
  
"And if she doesn't?" I eye him warily.  
  
He's silent, letting his thoughts run through his mind. "Promise me you'll meet with Lisa Harris again?"  
  
"I've been seeing her." He eyes me intently. "I have," I reaffirm.  
  
"Have you been discussing everything about the girls and all this you've kept bottled inside."  
  
"No," I laugh with a soft smile. "It's personal."  
  
"Sam," he rolls his eyes in the darkness trying to mask the humor that's surfacing on his features. "She's a therapist. You're supposed to confide in her."  
  
"It isn't like I know her at all. I'm just supposed to sit down and tell her my life story?" I point out.  
  
"That's what she's there for. No wonder she has to practically pull teeth to get you to come in."  
  
"I'm not that awful," I answer thoughtfully.  
  
"No," he draws his hand along my hips, teasing the soft skin. "You don't make it easy, though, for any of us. You need to tell her what's bothering you, or talk to me."  
  
"I do," I whisper.  
  
"And running away, was what—?"  
  
"Stupid," I wince.  
  
"Yes it was. It was also because you were scared. If you're not going to talk to me about what's bothering you, then you need to talk to someone," he eyes me seriously.  
  
"I know," I whisper. "I called Danny as soon as I left. I confide in him when things get rough."  
  
"Sam," he eyes me sternly.  
  
"Fine," I let out a sigh. "I'll make another appointment with Lisa."  
  
"I'm just looking out for what's in your best interest. I want to make sure you and the baby stay healthy."  
  
"I know," I nod, closing my eyes. "Goodnight, Jack."  
  
I feel his lips on mine for a brief, yet sweet kiss.  
  
"Night, Sam."  
  
***************  
  
Samantha Spade POV:  
  
Lisa Harris' Office  
  
March 9, 2004  
  
5:55 p.m.  
  
I take a seat across from her, letting out a soft yawn as she pulls out a notebook to scribble down information.  
  
"Tired?" she smiles softly and I nod with another yawn.  
  
"Yeah," I laugh, watching as she poises her pen, ready to transcribe our session.  
  
"I was surprised to see you bumped up your appointments."  
  
"Yeah," I nod. "Jack, my superior, thought it would be best if I came in three times a week."  
  
"Is that right?" I glance around her room, with a silent nod. "Do you want to tell me what's bothering you?"  
  
"You get right to the point," I smile, trying to break the tension and ease my mind. The room is quiet for a few moments before I continue on with the conversation. "I've had an exhaustive weekend."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"I was sick—hospitalized."  
  
"Is everything all right?"  
  
"It will be," I nod.  
  
"So, this past weekend. Did anything else happen?"  
  
"I found out I was pregnant and I tried escaping."  
  
"Escaping, how so?" I can tell she's trying to read if I'm suicidal.  
  
"Running away," I answer. "I took off and by doing so, I scared everyone I work with."  
  
"Why did you run?"  
  
"I was afraid."  
  
"Of what?" she presses the issue.  
  
"The father finding out about the baby and him not wanting it."  
  
"So you're in a committed relationship?"  
  
"It wasn't a one-night stand, if that's what you're asking," I retort.  
  
"I'm just curious why you've never spoken of him sooner."  
  
I'm quiet, do I tell her who it is? I can't.  
  
"There isn't much to tell."  
  
"Then why are you so afraid of telling him the news about the baby, that you ran?"  
  
"He's involved, with someone else."  
  
"He's married?" she clarifies.  
  
I nod my head, staring at my hands.  
  
"How does that make you feel?"  
  
"He talks about getting a divorce; they've just about signed the papers," I pause letting out a soft sigh. "It's his children who are making things difficult between us."  
  
"His children?"  
  
"Yes, they're not keen on me being in their family." I run my hand along my abdomen. "And now with this news," I shake my head. "I didn't think I could take it all."  
  
"That's why you need to talk about it," she urges. "Letting it get this far—running away from your problems—doesn't fix things."  
  
"I know," I nod. "Of all the things I did," I let out a sigh. "My job requires us to find missing people, you'd think I would choose another method of escape."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Nothing," I shake my head with a sigh. "I'm just saying, it's not the first time I've run off and I wonder if it won't be the last."  
  
"You ran away before?"  
  
"When I was sixteen."  
  
"We've never spoken about your childhood. Why did you run away?"  
  
"I hated it there—the small town people, the looks cast your way when they knew what you've done wrong, your mother's disgusted face."  
  
"What happened, Samantha?"  
  
"I left town because I didn't know what else to do. I was sixteen and pregnant. I thought if I ran, no one would ever have to know. The entire town knew about the baby. I never told a soul, but they all just knew."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"They would whisper when I'd walk by and their eyes would stare too long."  
  
"What happened after you ran away?"  
  
"My mother came looking for me. I was planning on having this baby by myself. She talked me out of it. Made me consider other alternatives."  
  
"Like abortion?"  
  
"And adoption. She didn't want me to destroy my future. It didn't matter, I never made it to full term."  
  
"You had a miscarriage?" she clarifies.  
  
I nod with sullen eyes and my voice cracks, "I've never told anyone that."  
  
"It helps to talk about these things—to keep them from spiraling out of control."  
  
I know. I glance towards the window, trying not to let my emotions get to me.  
  
"I told the father," I eye her. "He wasn't upset and one of his children was accepting of the baby."  
  
"The other one?" she questions.  
  
"Hannah, she's the one who's been the major complication. He's sent her to a therapist of her own," I laugh softly. "She's too stubborn, though, to let it help." She eyes me with amusement. "I know," I roll my eyes.  
  
"You've told the father," she repeats. "Have you considered telling the Bureau?"  
  
"I wanted to wait until it was a sure thing."  
  
She nods, "A lot of women choose to wait until after the third month."  
  
"I'm just about two months right now."  
  
"How do you feel about the baby?"  
  
I chew on my lip and a breath slips from my lungs. "I was nervous, afraid, terrified, but now—" I pause, trying to choose the right words. "I'm happy and frightened out of my mind at the same time. I've never been a mother, to two girls or one boy. Now to have all three of those in my life—"  
  
"You're having a boy?" she questions. I nod with a smile.  
  
"The hospital did an ultrasound when I was sick."  
  
"Was everything all right?"  
  
"Yes," I nod. "I'm still supposed to be taking it easy."  
  
"And are you?"  
  
"The father's been helping out."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"Driving me to work, watching over me, cooking for me," I laugh. "I could get used to this kind of lifestyle."  
  
She smiles in response. "How does he feel about the baby?"  
  
"He's excited, especially to know it's a boy." I let out a soft sigh. "I keep thinking it's not for real, though; I'll wake up any moment and it's all a dream."  
  
"Are you concerned you'll lose the baby again?"  
  
"Terrified," I nod. "I can't do anything, though; it's not really in my control."  
  
"Do you accept that?"  
  
"No," I laugh. "I hate being out of control. I hate not having a say on what happens."  
  
"What about when you were with this guy who was married?"  
  
"That was different. I mean—" I pause, letting out a frustrated sigh. "I don't know what I'm saying."  
  
"I think you do," she pushes the issue on.  
  
I shake my head no and let out a soft breath. "I think our time's up." I eye the clock and stand up abruptly. I head for the door, glancing back. "I'll see you on Thursday," I smile politely, shutting the door as fast I can and tearing down the hallway. 


	9. Chapter 9

Jack Malone POV:  
  
Jack's Office  
  
March 9, 2004  
  
6:58 p.m.  
  
I hear a soft knocking against the glass and glance up to wave Samantha to come inside.  
  
"How'd it go?" I question.  
  
"Oh, the usual." I eye her intently. "She starts to get somewhere and I run off," she laughs jokingly.  
  
"You ready to head home?" I shut the file, standing up to grab my coat.  
  
"Yeah, I need to get my jacket." She heads towards her cubicle and grabs what she needs for the night. Samantha joins me as I head out of the office, shutting the door behind me.  
  
The ride down in the elevator is quiet and I take her hand in mine.  
  
"Jack," she eyes me, pulling away. "We're at work."  
  
"In the elevator," I glance at her seriously. "There aren't surveillance cameras in here. Only in the lobby and parking garage."  
  
"What are you suggesting?" her eyes widen in amusement.  
  
"Nothing," I laugh and the elevator doors open. We head for my car, and I unlock the passenger side door, helping her inside and waiting for her to buckle in before I shut the door and head for my side.  
  
I start the car and turn on the heat, trying to warm us both. I head out of the parking garage and she eyes me. "We're going the wrong way."  
  
"I thought we could use a night out for dinner." She lets out a breath. I'm not sure what's running through her mind. "Sam?"  
  
"I'm still not really hungry," she answers, glancing out the window. "I don't see why we can't go out, though." She shrugs and closes her eyes, leaning the seat back to relax.  
  
"I was thinking Italian. Does that sound all right for you?"  
  
"Yeah," she answers with a yawn, and not long after we pull up front of the classy joint. "Jack?" she eyes me curiously.  
  
"Come on." I pull up front and allow the valet to park the vehicle. I take her hand in mine, leading her inside.  
  
"Jack." Her eyes roam around the restaurant and then back on me as I give the hostess our name and we're escorted to our table. "This is—," she lets out a breath, at a loss for words. She gives me a teary-eyed smile and I lean down and give her a soft kiss before heading into our small corner booth, which allows us to sit beside one another.  
  
"I wanted this night to be perfect."  
  
"Jack?" She eyes me curiously, not sure what I'm getting at.  
  
"Sam, I love you."  
  
"I love you too," she answers with a tired smile and squeezes my hand.  
  
"I'm sorry I dragged you out."  
  
"No, it's okay," she tells me. "I needed a night away from the house anyways."  
  
"I saw Maria this afternoon."  
  
"When?"  
  
"During lunch—when you and Danny investigated our missing person."  
  
"Oh," she runs her finger along the water glass. "So?"  
  
"The divorce is finalized."  
  
She nods with a soft smile. "That's good, I guess." She shrugs, not sure what to say.  
  
"I wanted to celebrate."  
  
"You did?" She eyes me curiously, not understanding. "You were married for over eleven years and you want to celebrate the end of your marriage?"  
  
"We're having a baby. I'm happy; aren't you?"  
  
"Jack," she pauses, her eyes watering. I open my arms, letting her move in to me as I embrace her. Her head falls to my chest. "I'm sorry."  
  
"For what?" I run my hand along her back, feeling her tears soak through my shirt. "Whatever it is, it's okay," I tell her. What could have happened that would hurt her this much? Has she been with another man; is the baby not mine? I shake my head—no, she would never do that to me. Maybe it's just the emotional toll from running away.  
  
"I'm sorry," she whispers one final time before she pulls away. In the dimly lit atmosphere, I can't tell that she's been crying, although I can see her pained eyes.  
  
"Sam, I love you."  
  
She nods her head. "Excuse me," she whispers before she takes off for the bathroom. I lean back against the cushions and let out a soft breath. I don't understand what's bothering her so much. Maybe it's the hormones from being pregnant?  
  
She comes back to the table several minutes later. "Jack," her voice breaks, "I think something's wrong."  
  
"What?" My eyes widen in confusion.  
  
"The baby," she trembles in tears.  
  
I leave some cash on the table, then I escort her to the car. "You're bleeding?"  
  
Her face is flushed from crying and her lips are formed downwards in anguish. I wrap my arms around her, holding her close as we wait for the valet to bring us the car.  
  
"Come on." I carefully help her inside, shut the door and take off for the nearest hospital.  
  
She covers her face with her hand, too afraid to look into my eyes to see my pain and sadness along with her own.  
  
She's wheeled away on a gurney, and they tell me I can't come any farther behind the double doors.  
  
The only thought that's running through my mind right now, is 'it's my fault.' I shouldn't have let her come into work today. She should have taken another day off, been allowed to rest and recuperate the entire week if needed. What have I done?  
  
**************  
  
Samantha Spade POV:  
  
Mount Sinai  
  
March 9, 2004  
  
8:15 p.m.  
  
I barely register what's going on. This experience is all too surreal as it uncovers before me. I close my eyes as I'm wheeled away, tears dripping down my cheeks and I feel my heart rate soaring.  
  
"Samantha, we need you to relax."  
  
"The baby," I whisper between sobs.  
  
"We're doing everything we can. You need to calm down, though."  
  
"Okay," I nod, biting down on my lower lip as I close my eyes, willing this nightmare to go away.  
  
I feel myself being pulled into a light slumber as I try to mumble out for Jack.  
  
"Sam." I hear Jack's voice and feel his hand on mine. My eyes slowly open, remembering the scene that unfolded not so long ago.  
  
"I'm sorry," I whisper, feeling him lean down to press a soft kiss to my forehead.  
  
"You have nothing to be sorry about."  
  
"What did the doctors say?"  
  
"It was a miscarriage," he answers with a sigh of defeat.  
  
"Oh, Jack." I feel tears welling in my eyes.  
  
"There's nothing you could have done differently," he reassures me, his hands running softly through my hair.  
  
"This isn't the first time."  
  
"What are you talking about, Sam?"  
  
"The baby. I was pregnant when I was a teenager. I had a miscarriage then. Maybe I'm not fit to be a mother."  
  
"Don't ever say that," he eyes me sternly, squeezing my hand in his. I glance up to see the doctor coming inside the room.  
  
"How are you feeling, Samantha?"  
  
"Tired," I answer.  
  
"It's to be expected. It's not uncommon for this to have happened—especially after being sick or stressed out, and I've heard you've dealt with both situations recently."  
  
I nod my head and sigh. "The nurse is going to come in and take your blood pressure again. Assuming everything is fine, you'll be on your way home in no time."  
  
The doctor heads out of the room and I feel all hope crushed in an instant.  
  
"I'm so sorry."  
  
"Shhh," Jack silences me with a kiss. "This is not your fault."  
  
"It is," I nod. "If I hadn't run off, this might never have happened."  
  
"Sam," he eyes me seriously, "you did nothing wrong. You were sick. You couldn't have predicted or even changed that."  
  
"I know but—" He silences me with his lips on mine.  
  
"Don't." I push him away. I don't deserve his love because I feel like I've failed him. "Please, leave," I whisper, closing my eyes and forcing the tears away.  
  
"Sam," his voice is soft.  
  
"Please," I beg him, not wanting him to see me this way. I hear his footsteps leaving the room and I break down in quiet sobs.  
  
************  
  
Jack Malone POV:  
  
Mount Sinai  
  
March 9, 2004  
  
10:35 p.m.  
  
I head into the hallway, giving the nurse plenty of room and time with Samantha. Why does she insist on kicking me out and pushing me away now? I know she needs me, now more then ever. I let out a frustrated sigh, not sure what to do, or who to turn to.  
  
I take a seat on the bench outside in the hallway, letting out a sigh. A few minutes pass by and the nurse comes out. "Samantha finished signing the release forms. I'm going to get a wheelchair and help you take her out to your car. Why don't you pull up around the east entrance for easy access?"  
  
I nod my head and make my way to the car. I do as I'm told and pull up front to see the nurse helping Sam outside. I leave the car running and step outside into the chilly air, opening the car door and helping her inside.  
  
"Thank you," I tell the nurse as she nods and I shut the door and head on over towards the driver's side.  
  
"Can you take me home, Jack?"  
  
"That's what I was planning on doing," I answer, pulling out into traffic.  
  
"No, I meant my apartment."  
  
"Sam--"  
  
"Please," she whispers into the air, "I need some time alone."  
  
"All right," I nod with a sigh. The entire drive to her place is in silence, and I swear I can hear the second hand on my watch ticking.  
  
I pull in front of her building and help her out of the car and up the stairs.  
  
"Thanks," she answers, as she keys the door and I follow her inside. She turns around to face me. "I can handle the rest."  
  
"I want to help you into bed."  
  
"Jack, I'm fine," she pleads with me, her eyes distant and filled with sorrow.  
  
"Let me do this for you, Sam."  
  
"Fine," she rolls her eyes, slightly perturbed. She doesn't even bother changing for bed.  
  
She heads into the bedroom, slides beneath the covers and rolls onto her stomach, burying her head in the pillows.  
  
I sit on the edge of her bed, my hand on her back. "Please leave."  
  
"Sam."  
  
"I can't deal with this right now."  
  
"You have to deal with it sometime," I answer as I stand up and turn off the light. "Call me if you need anything at all."  
  
She doesn't answer me and I glance back, deciding whether I should sleep on the couch or go home. I know if I stay and she's angry with me now, tomorrow it will only be worse.  
  
I head out to my car, letting the cold air burn my lungs. I feel as though I can't breathe, and I can only imagine the pain and heartache this is for her. I wish I could do something to make it all right; I wish I could take the pain away; I wish for so much, but have little control over any of it. 


	10. Chapter 10

Samantha Spade POV:  
  
Samantha Spade Residence  
  
March 10, 2004  
  
7:15 a.m.  
  
The morning light is shining in as I roll over and reach for the phone. I dial Van Doren and tell her I won't be able to make it in. She doesn't ask why and I don't bother giving her an explanation.  
  
I pull the blankets over my head, not wanting to see the sunlight just yet, and I fall into a restless slumber.  
  
"Samantha!" I hear a loud banging against the outside door and I shove the pillow over my head to muffle the sounds.  
  
Seconds later, I hear my cell phone ring and I grab it without looking and find the off button. I toss it to the floor, not wanting to speak with anyone.  
  
"Sam!" I groan as I hear Jack's voice.  
  
"Go away," I answer, hoping he can hear me. I don't want to deal with him right now.  
  
He doesn't understand any of this, and he won't.  
  
I hear footsteps in my bedroom and roll my eyes. What did Jack do to get in? Ask the superintendent or pick the lock?  
  
I reach for the remote, tossing it at the door as I hear footsteps entering.  
  
I watch as he dodges the remote flying through the air with a look of horror on his face. He eyes me with a laugh, "trying to kill me?" he teases, before picking the remote up and placing it on the nightstand.  
  
"I thought you were Jack."  
  
"No, he's out in the living room. He was worried you might kill him. I didn't think he was serious."  
  
Danny approaches the bed and I roll onto my side, sitting up slightly to face him. He takes a seat on the edge of the bed. "I'm so sorry about the baby." I fall into his embrace, not able to hide my tears any longer. "You'll have another chance."  
  
"I don't want another chance," I answer. "I can't take this," I shrug, rolling my eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling.  
  
"Samantha?" His voice is soft as I pull back. "A lot of women have miscarriages. It's not your fault."  
  
"If I wouldn't have been sick," I pause letting out a soft sigh. "I know, there's nothing I could have done differently." I eye Danny as he nods.  
  
"Jack's worried about you. We all are."  
  
"I haven't even been gone an entire day." I glance towards the clock, seeing it's all ready quarter past two in the afternoon. Since when did the day fly by so quickly?  
  
"We want you to talk with Lisa, now so more than ever."  
  
"You're sounding like Jack," I groan.  
  
"I heard that," he answers from the other room. I roll my eyes and Danny stands up to shut the bedroom door.  
  
"I don't understand why you're forcing him out of your life. You need him and he needs you. It's a simple fact."  
  
"I can't face him right now, Danny."  
  
"Samantha," he takes my hands in his as he sits down beside me. "This is not your fault," he repeats.  
  
"I know," I nod, "but seeing him just brings back all these emotions and feelings I've been having, about being pregnant, and the baby."  
  
Danny wipes the tears from my eyes and nods his head. "I know, Samantha. You're going to have to face up to them."  
  
"I'm not sure I can."  
  
"You have to come back to work eventually."  
  
I shake my head no. "That transfer sounds good right about now."  
  
"Samantha," Danny eyes me seriously, "you're not the only one suffering. Jack needs you right now, almost as much as you need him."  
  
I let out a soft breath and feel Danny's arms enveloping me in a hug. "Thanks." I eye him with a sigh. "You can let Jack in, but tell him he's not to mention any of it."  
  
"That's not a good way to deal with it."  
  
"Please," I plead with him.  
  
He nods his head, and heads for the door. "Call me if you need to talk, or want me to come by."  
  
"I will," I answer, watching as he heads out of my bedroom, and Jack comes inside.  
  
*****************  
  
Jack Malone POV:  
  
Samantha Spade Residence  
  
March 10, 2004  
  
2:35 p.m.  
  
I carefully step foot into her bedroom, afraid of how she'll respond to seeing me. Danny has warned me not to speak about the miscarriage and I can see why. Samantha looks a mess. Her eyes are swollen, her face is red and she groans when her eyes catch mine.  
  
"Hey," I whisper, hoping she won't turn her back on me.  
  
"What'd Van Doren say when you told her you were coming here?"  
  
"I didn't," I laugh softly. "She thinks Danny and I are out investigating a lead. Danny's on his way there and I figured you might need some company."  
  
"I'm all right," she nods, trying to convince herself she's strong and can handle this ordeal alone.  
  
"Can I sit down?" I slowly approach her bed, and she pulls back the sheets.  
  
"If you're not afraid of a little tears; they're damp."  
  
"It's okay." I slide out of my shoes and slip in bed beside her. She's sitting up, not allowing me to hold her. I roll onto my side to face her.  
  
"I just keep thinking, if I never called you," she shakes her head, "you wouldn't have had to know."  
  
"Why wouldn't I want to know?" I question.  
  
"It's just a lot to deal with," she answers with a sigh.  
  
"Samantha, why don't you meet with Lisa again?"  
  
"And say what?" she eyes me intently.  
  
"Tell her how you're feeling."  
  
"I don't want to talk about it—" she responds, "with anyone."  
  
"You have to sooner or later."  
  
"No, I don't." She eyes me sternly as she grabs the remote and turns on the television. She flips through the channels, ignoring me completely.  
  
I let out a soft breath as I realize how frozen she is beside me. She's normally relaxed but right now she's a sheet of ice, ready to break at any moment.  
  
"Sam," I whisper her name gently from my lips. "I'm worried about you."  
  
Her head turns sharply, meeting my gaze. "Shouldn't you be on your way back to the office? You don't want Van Doren to know where you've been."  
  
"To hell with Van Doren," I answer. "You're all that matters to me."  
  
"Don't," she warns me, giving me the cold shoulder as she turns the television up louder. I suppose it's good—she hasn't kicked me out yet. I can tell that will be the next step if I upset her any more.  
  
She stares at the screen, but I can tell she's not paying any attention to what's on.  
  
"Jack," her voice is soft and she continues to stare straight ahead.  
  
"What?" I question.  
  
"I think I need a vacation."  
  
"That's probably a good idea. You can unwind, relax—"  
  
"No," she shakes her head.  
  
"What do you mean, Sam?"  
  
"A vacation from us—a break."  
  
"Is that what you really want?" I eye her as I see tears welling in her eyes.  
  
"I think it's what I need right now. At least until I get things figured out on my own."  
  
"Samantha—" She shakes her head no, keeping me from going on.  
  
"I realized I'm not ready to be a mother and that includes to your children," she eyes me with a sigh.  
  
"You don't have to be their mother," I say as I take her hand in mine.  
  
"I can't do this, not right now anyways. I've considered transferring, but I'd rather stay here. I need some amount of order and sanity in my life."  
  
"Sam." She glances down at our hands.  
  
"Please don't fight me on this. It gives us both time to work things out; you with your girls and me with—" She doesn't finish the sentence, just lets it hang in the air.  
  
"When can I expect you back at work?"  
  
"Tomorrow," she breathes out a sigh. "Please don't tell Vivian or Martin about—"  
  
"I won't," I reassure her.  
  
"Thanks," she whispers and leans back against the pillows, closing her eyes. "Would you mind turning off the television on your way out?"  
  
"You want anything to eat?"  
  
"I'll get it myself in a little while," she answers. I flip off the television and glance down at her face. Even with her eyes closed, she looks haunted by what's happened.  
  
I lean down and press a soft kiss to her head. "Sweet dreams," I tell her, heading out and back to work. 


	11. Chapter 11

Samantha Spade POV:  
  
FBI Building  
  
March 11, 2004  
  
8:05 a.m.  
  
I head down the hall towards my cubicle and take a seat at my desk. I chew nervously on my lower lip, not ready to face Jack just yet.  
  
What if he never finds it in his heart to forgive me for miscarrying our child? I know he doesn't seem as though he's mad, but I can feel his disappointment when he looks at me.  
  
"Hey, Samantha." I glance back to see Danny with a cup of coffee in his hands.  
  
"Did you get me some?"  
  
"Have this," he offers with a smile. I eye it to make sure he hasn't laced it with too much sugar or drenched it in creamer.  
  
"Thanks," I answer softly, trying to put on a happy face at work. I feel like hell, but I don't need to bring the rest of the office down with me.  
  
"You feeling any better?" I see Martin making his way on over. "I heard you were sick with the stomach flu."  
  
"Yeah," I eye Danny and he shrugs in response.  
  
"Sam, can I have a word with you?" I let out a breath, dreading the steps I take towards Jack's office.  
  
When I finally step through the entrance, I avoid sitting down. I want to be able to leave and not feel what I used to feel when I was in his presence.  
  
He shuts the door and I let out a nervous breath, silently pleading that he doesn't make this weird between us by telling me he's still in love with me. I love him but I can't do this right now—not after losing a baby and knowing that his family hates me.  
  
"Lisa is free for the next hour and a half. She's anticipating you'll stop by."  
  
"I have work here that needs my attention."  
  
"You're not going into the field until I know you're fit for duty."  
  
"Jack," I eye him sternly.  
  
"Go talk to her. When you're done, I'll let you work in the field."  
  
I roll my eyes and let out a sigh, heading for the door. "I'm doing this to help you. I hope you know that."  
  
"I don't need your help," I retort, slamming the door on my way out.  
  
I head towards the elevator and angrily slam the button.  
  
"Samantha?" I hear Vivian's voice and glance back to see her approaching. "Is everything all right?"  
  
"Fine," I seethe between my teeth and head into the elevator. I quickly hit the 'close door' button and then hit the floor I want. I let out a sigh of relief, as the elevator descends.  
  
I knock briefly on Lisa's door before going inside.  
  
"Take a seat," she tells me and I let out a sigh, glancing around the room. I really don't want to be here, and I feel as though I'd do anything to get out of it. Maybe some kind of break on the latest case will bring Jack to rescue me from this torture.  
  
I clasp my hands together, trying not to show how uncomfortable I am.  
  
"I heard you were out sick yesterday?"  
  
"Did Jack tell you that?" I eye her intently.  
  
"He's concerned about you. You want to tell me why?"  
  
"He's overbearing and overprotective," I answer.  
  
"He is?" she questions. "Can you explain what you mean?"  
  
I let out an annoyed breath and answer, "Forget it."  
  
"Okay, why don't we talk about what's bothering you."  
  
"I lost the baby."  
  
"I'm sorry," she eyes me with an empathetic gaze. "Do they know what happened?"  
  
"I was sick; they think that was the cause. I've been stressed out lately too, and that didn't help. It doesn't matter. I'm not cut out to be a mother."  
  
"Why do you say that?"  
  
"It's the truth," I answer her plainly.  
  
"What about your boyfriend's children? Won't you be a mother to them?"  
  
"We broke up," I answer.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I can't deal with them hating me and all this," I gesture wildly with my hands. "It's too much," I whisper, trying to keep my emotions from becoming overly visible.  
  
"Samantha, let's talk about these feelings that you're having—about them hating you."  
  
"They do," I answer eyeing her. "I thought I could deal with it. I wanted to, but now," I shake my head no, "it's not worth it."  
  
"What's not worth it?" she questions.  
  
"Being a mother to someone else's children because you can't have your own."  
  
"Samantha, these feelings of loss and frustration are normal after having a miscarriage."  
  
"I know," I nod. "I just wish things would be easier. I mean it's not like we can go public with our relationship. There are consequences if we do." I let out a soft breath. "I guess it's better we ended it."  
  
"Do you love him?" she eyes me.  
  
"What kind of question is that?" I retort, surprised by her forwardness.  
  
"A simple one," Lisa muses. "Let's try a different approach: how do you feel about him?"  
  
"He drives me crazy," I pause, "but it's because he's looking out for my best interest."  
  
"What else?"  
  
"He means the world to me and I don't want to hurt him but—"  
  
"What?" she eyes me as she tries to hold my gaze.  
  
"It's inevitable."  
  
"What is?" she questions.  
  
"Breaking up," I answer.  
  
"Why do you feel that way?"  
  
"It's the truth," I respond with a sigh and relax into the chair. "His kids hate me and eventually he'll have to choose. I know who he'll choose, so I'm saving him the trouble."  
  
"You weren't concerned before you lost the baby," Lisa points out. "Why has that now changed?"  
  
"It hasn't. I tried running away, but I guess I couldn't get very far," I laugh softly. "I hoped the baby would bring us together, and that's why I came home. Jack—," I pause, realizing I've said his name and hoping Lisa will keep it confidential. "He wanted to be in the baby's life and we figured we'd work things out."  
  
"And now that you've lost the baby?"  
  
"There's nothing keeping us together." My eyes meet hers. "I do love him; I just want what's best for him."  
  
"Have you talked with him?"  
  
"I—," a soft puff of air escapes my lungs and I close my eyes momentarily. "I wish I could," I answer, glancing her way. "There are a lot of things I talk to him about, but this one—," I shake my head, "it just stirs up all these memories and some of them I'm not ready to deal with."  
  
"What do you mean, Samantha?"  
  
"I see the way he looks at me and it reminds me of what we had. Talking to him about losing the baby only makes me wish I never knew," I laugh darkly. "At least then it wouldn't have hurt this much."  
  
Lisa scribbles a few things down before catching my gaze. "Who do you consider as your support group?"  
  
"My friends, the people I work with mostly."  
  
"Have you told them about your loss?"  
  
"Only one of them."  
  
"It's good to be able to confide in other people and I hope you realize Jack is likely feeling some of the same frustrations and thoughts that you are. It would help to talk with him too—even if it's as a friend."  
  
"I know," I let out a sigh and stare at my hands. "When I see him, though, it just reminds me how much I wanted the baby and how much it hurt to lose it."  
  
"It's okay to grieve," Lisa tells me. "In fact, some people find writing in a journal helpful." I laugh softly at the thought. "No one else has to read it," she reminds me.  
  
"Yeah," I nod glancing towards the clock.  
  
"Is there something else you do to unwind or relax?"  
  
"A bubble bath."  
  
She nods with a smile. "What else?"  
  
"I don't know," I pause, thinking about her question. "I don't have a lot of spare time with my job."  
  
"What do you do when you get stressed out? I know the work can be excruciating and painful."  
  
"A lot of the time I'd go to Jack and he'd help keep my mind off—," I laugh softly, realizing what I've said and remembering what we'd do.  
  
She nods her head, "So he was your emotional support?"  
  
"Yes," I answer.  
  
"And now?"  
  
"He's still there, but I don't feel like I can go to him."  
  
"What about any other friends you have?"  
  
"Danny?" I question. "I talk to him sometimes. It's different, though."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"It just is." I pause with a sigh. "We have a brother-sister kind of relationship." I glance towards the clock. "I should be heading back to the office."  
  
"Okay." She shuts the pages and grabs her schedule book. "I have you down for tomorrow."  
  
"Can we reschedule for Monday?"  
  
Lisa lets out a soft sigh and nods. "Monday morning or evening?"  
  
"Evening," I answer, not wanting to come here during the day and lose valuable work time.  
  
"Six sound good?"  
  
"Yeah," I nod heading out the door and up to the office. 


	12. Chapter 12

Jack Malone POV:  
  
FBI Building  
  
March 11, 2004  
  
9:42 a.m.  
  
I glance up and notice Sam making her way down the hall towards the conference table where we're all seated.  
  
"What's the case?" she questions, taking a seat across from me, as her eyes barely reach mine.  
  
"Janet Murdock has been missing for 18 hours. She's a middle school teacher with a son at Elm Grove Elementary. She was supposed to pick him up last night from school and when she never arrived, the husband was called to get their son. She's always on time, but no one has seen or heard from her since a little after 3 p.m. yesterday. The family is not overly wealthy and has no enemies to speak of."  
  
Sam eyes the folder and I pass it to her to look through, since I've discussed most of this with the team already. "Anything else?" she asks.  
  
"Nothing that stands out. Martin, I want you to go visit the husband at home. See if he knows anything. Vivian, you'll visit the boy's school, see if he remembers anyone suspicious hanging around. Danny, you'll talk to any neighbors or friends of the family; also check financial records before you head out. Sam, you'll come with me to the middle school where she works."  
  
"Okay," she nods, finally glancing up to meet my gaze. I know she probably doesn't want to be assigned to work with me right now, but I need to know she's capable of doing her job.  
  
I stand up and head towards my office to grab my coat. I turn around and see Sam in the doorway.  
  
"How'd it go with Lisa?"  
  
"She says I should talk to you," she eyes me sadly.  
  
"I would hope that you would feel comfortable coming to me," I answer.  
  
"I am," she glances back towards the door. "You ready to head out?" Her demeanor tells me she's not ready, even if she says she is. She's putting on a show for everyone in the office, especially me. Seeing her do that breaks my heart. She still seems so fragile, and I'm worried I might do the wrong thing by pushing her into talking. I'm worried she might run off again—or worse: do something tragic to herself.  
  
We head down to the parking garage and she opens her palm to gesture she wants to drive. "You sure?"  
  
"I'm fine," she answers and I hand the keys over before getting into the passenger side.  
  
I offer her directions and we pull in front of the school, park the car and head towards the main entrance. I eye Samantha, noticing her hesitate and I realize what I've done. I should have sent her to the husband's home or even kept her in the office. Bringing her to a school—with children—I let out a sigh, and head inside.  
  
I feel her presence beside me, as she glances down the hall, taking in the sight around us. "This way," I motion towards the office and acquire two visitor's passes before speaking with a few people who knew our missing person.  
  
No one has any strong leads or explanations where she might have gone. If she's having an affair, no one at work knows about it. Her coworkers mention she normally finishes grading papers and then picks her son up from school. None of the people she worked with noticed whether or not she was even in her office after class was dismissed.  
  
The few students we pulled out of class claimed that she didn't seem preoccupied or that anything was wrong. No one seems to have a reason as to why she's gone missing.  
  
I slide my hands into my coat pocket, heading back towards the office to sign out and thank them for their time before making our way to the car. Sam heads for the driver's side again, taking charge and trying to find some peace of mind in such a simple task.  
  
*************  
  
Samantha Spade POV:  
  
Parking Lot of Dalton Middle School  
  
March 11, 2004  
  
11:47 a.m.  
  
I feel Jack staring at me as I start the car. "What?" I question, looking straight ahead before glancing around for traffic. I do what I can to avoid his gaze and I'm sure he notices it.  
  
"It's almost noon. Why don't we head someplace for lunch?"  
  
"I'm not all that hungry. We can pick up subs or something on the way back to the office," I offer. Jack lets out a sigh and relaxes into the passenger seat. "What?" I hear his sigh and I'm not sure I want to know what he's thinking, but I ask anyway.  
  
"You can't keep hiding how you're feeling. It'll catch up with you."  
  
"I'm not hiding it. I talked with Lisa."  
  
"Is she the only one you're going to confide in?"  
  
"Jack," my gaze catches his before looking back at the road.  
  
"It was my son too," his voice pleads, begging me to let him into my heart.  
  
"I never meant for any of this to happen," I whisper, turning into the local sub shop.  
  
"It was as much my fault as it was yours."  
  
I park the car and eye him intently. I don't have an answer for him, and I'm not sure he'd like what I'd want to say anyhow. I feel so emotionally broken and lost right now. If he knew what I was feeling, I know he'd never let me carry a gun.  
  
We head inside the small sub shop and place our orders before paying. Jack offers to pay mine and I don't fight him off. He'll probably eat mine for dinner, since we'll likely be staying late and I have no appetite.  
  
We make our way back out to the car, food in hand, and I hand over the keys for Jack to drive. He eyes me, realizing that the walls I've built up over the past several hours are soon going to be tumbling down. He willingly takes the keys, escorting me inside before opening his own door.  
  
I close my eyes and let out a soft breath. Why does life have to be so complicated? Why can't things go as planned? Why can't I have a normal family with the man I love? Why do I suddenly feel like dying?  
  
**************  
  
Jack Malone POV:  
  
FBI Building  
  
March 11, 2004  
  
12:27 p.m.  
  
I take my lunch with me into my office, remove my coat and take a seat. I clear the overdue paperwork, sliding it into the nearest drawer before unwrapping my food.  
  
I take a bite and glance out to see Sam staring at me. Her eyes look lost, her smile so far gone it might never return. She looks away, her gaze fixed on the computer screen as her food sits at the side of her desk.  
  
I down some soda and exit my office, hoping to have a word with her. She sees me approaching and the frown on her face turns more into a scowl. She lets out a sigh, knowing what I'm about to ask.  
  
"I'll be there in a minute," she tells me and I nod, heading back into my office to finish my lunch.  
  
A few minutes later, Samantha makes her way inside, taking a seat across from me with a sigh of defeat. She doesn't say anything and I suppose I don't expect her to either.  
  
"You should eat," I suggest. I know it's a stupid comment but it's a valid point. She shrugs in response, staring at my desk.  
  
"I haven't been hungry since I was sick. Are we done?" She finally catches my gaze.  
  
"I'm really concerned about you."  
  
"Don't be." She tries to hide the fact with a smile, but I can tell it's forced and she's hurting inside.  
  
"Talk to me," I whisper.  
  
"There's nothing to say." She stands up, heading for the door. She glances back at me, her eyes never wavering. "Worry about your children, not about me." She slips out of my office and, with a sigh, collapses into the chair in front of her desk.  
  
She's trying to keep herself together, at least until the end of the day. I don't know why she's fighting what she's feeling. Is she worried how everyone will see her? I've never known her to care before. She eyes her lunch and tosses it into the wastebasket.  
  
I shake my head in dismay, wishing she would eat. I don't want to see her get sick or become depressed from all that's happened. If I knew what to do to make it all better, I would in a heart beat.  
  
I toss the rest of my lunch and grab the paperwork, trying to sort out some of this mess. I haven't heard back from Vivian, Danny, or Martin yet and I'm beginning to wonder if they've turned up anything. Usually they check in.  
  
I pick up my phone and dial Samantha's desk.  
  
"Agent Spade," she answers.  
  
"Can you do me a favor?" I question. Her head turns towards me.  
  
"You couldn't walk over here?" she laughs softly, sounding a little like herself again.  
  
"I figured you'd have to talk to me this way," I tease. "Can you check the local hospitals and morgues for any Jane Doe's? I think Martin left the number on your desk. You can fax them a photo, so we don't have to run out," I offer, "unless we find a body."  
  
"Yeah, I see the number," she grabs it off the post-it note. "Anything else?"  
  
Her eyes lock with mine.  
  
"Let me know what you find," I answer hanging up and watching as she dials to find out if our missing person has possibly checked in—or potentially checked out. 


	13. Chapter 13

Samantha Spade POV:  
  
FBI Building  
  
March 11, 2004  
  
4:47 p.m.  
  
I check my watch, ready to go home, but the case has yet to be solved. Jack sits across from me at the conference table, with Danny beside me, then Martin and Vivian on opposite ends.  
  
I feel both Jack and Danny gazing at me and I shift uncomfortably under such scrutiny.  
  
"You think the sister might know where she is?" Jack eyes Martin, catching us all up to speed.  
  
"Take Danny with you to speak with her."  
  
"And if nothing turns up?" Martin questions.  
  
"We'll worry about it when we get there. In the meantime, Sam, you're free to go home; you too, Viv."  
  
"Why do they get to leave?" Martin groans out in protest and shuts up as soon as Jack eyes him with intent to kill.  
  
"I can stay," I offer. "I don't have anything to do at home," I point out.  
  
"Take Jack's advice," Danny interjects. "Go home, eat some dinner, get some rest and relax."  
  
Martin eyes Danny, Jack, and then me—curious as to what's going on. Vivian doesn't pretend to even pay attention, but I can tell she's taking in every word.  
  
"Come on, Samantha," Vivian tells me, standing up and shutting the file. She heads towards her desk to grab her things. I retrieve my coat and walk with her down to the elevator for the parking garage.  
  
We step inside and once the doors shut, the silence overwhelms the air around us. I know at any moment she's going to ask something, and I can feel the tension bubbling to the surface.  
  
"Everything okay?" she smiles warmly, trying to help me relax and ease my mind as she slips her hands into her pockets and we walk together out towards our cars.  
  
"Never better," I whisper catching her gaze at me. Her look alone tells me she doesn't buy it; however, she doesn't press the issue further.  
  
"If you want to talk, I'm always here," she offers, heading for her car while I make my way towards mine.  
  
"Thanks," I answer, slipping inside and closing my eyes as I catch my breath.  
  
The pounding in my chest has finally calmed and I head back towards my apartment.  
  
I make my way through the front door, tossing my jacket off and glancing through the mail I've brought in. There doesn't seem to be anything of importance and I glance over to see the answering machine blinking.  
  
I hit the play button.  
  
"Samantha, I've got something for you about your missing person. I think I may have spotted her. By the time you get this message, you've probably all ready cracked the case. Anyways, give me a call at home. It's Kellar," he reaffirms, before hanging up.  
  
I let out a sigh and grab the phone, dialing his work number and then his home number when he doesn't answer the first time.  
  
"Kellar?" I question, when he answers.  
  
"Yeah, Samantha?"  
  
"You called?" I inquire, grabbing a pad of paper and a pen from the counter. "What have you got?"  
  
"Here's the thing," he tells me, "she was spotted at Molly's, about ten miles from her apartment."  
  
"The bar?" I question slightly confused.  
  
"Yeah. I went over and spoke to her. She gave me a completely different name, but unless she has a twin sister, I swear it was her."  
  
"Did you happen to check her ID?"  
  
"It didn't help."  
  
"Thanks, but unless you have an address she's at now or something more substantial--"  
  
"I tailed her car for about three miles until I lost sight of her."  
  
"Get a license plate?"  
  
"Didn't help," he answers, "the address led to a warehouse."  
  
"What are you thinking?"  
  
"Maybe she's running from something."  
  
"Yeah, maybe," I whisper in a daze. A minute or so passes before I continue, "Can you get me the warehouse address?"  
  
"Sure, it's 475 Lincoln Drive. It won't help."  
  
"Thanks, I'll see what we can find."  
  
"Samantha."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Can I take you out sometime?"  
  
"Drinks?" I suggest.  
  
"That was the plan. Doesn't have to be tonight, maybe tomorrow—if you have the night off."  
  
"We'll see," I respond before hanging up. If I decide to meet him, it's always at the same time and place, so now he'll just have to wait and see if I show up.  
  
I grab my phone and dial Jack's cell.  
  
"Malone."  
  
"It's me," I respond.  
  
"You okay?" I hear him let out a soft breath, as concern passes through his mind.  
  
"I'll manage. Kellar left me a message. Apparently someone matching our missing person's description was seen at a bar."  
  
"Anything else?"  
  
"Yeah, her address from her license matches a warehouse. I was going to go look into it and thought you should know."  
  
"Give me the address; we'll go check it out."  
  
"I can do it, Jack."  
  
"I'm not doubting you. What's the address."  
  
I let out an aggravated sigh and give him the address before hanging up the phone. I open the fridge, glancing around for something edible. Nothing looks that appetizing and I grab the phone, resorting to something Jack and I normally do on overnight cases—takeout.  
  
I relax into the sofa, waiting for the pizza to arrive as I flip through the channels. I eye the clock, slowly growing hungry and I smile softly, grateful the day is just about over.  
  
I hear the pizza man at the door and grab some cash. Once I've brought the box of pizza inside the kitchen, I grab a paper plate, taking some to eat with me into the living room.  
  
"Samantha?" Two bites into my meal I hear Jack at the door.  
  
"Just a second," I answer, wiping my hands and unlocking it to let him in.  
  
"Mind if I grab a piece?"  
  
"Help yourself," I offer, heading back towards the sofa to finish eating. He comes in, with a piece of pizza in his hand, and sits beside me. "I thought you were looking into the case?"  
  
"Dead end," he answers. "Actually, I'm having Danny and Martin run a few leads and we're still waiting on the results from her computer."  
  
"You skipped out early?" I eye him with a surprised glance.  
  
"Danny thought it would be a good idea and, well, Martin," he pauses with a laugh, "he actually offered to make sure you were all right after being sick. I told him not to bother you."  
  
"Thanks," I eye him questionably. "Why are you here?"  
  
"We're still friends, right?"  
  
"I--," my eyes dart around the room with a sigh, "I don't see why not." I shrug, standing up to grab another piece of pizza.  
  
"Grab me one while you're up."  
  
"Get it yourself," I answer with a laugh, shaking my head as I grab myself a slice and hand Jack a smaller one. He eyes me intently and takes the smaller one anyhow. "What?" I question, after I feel him staring at me for longer than I like.  
  
"Nothing," he shakes his head with a soft breath, before taking a bite of his dinner.  
  
"Jack, if you're here because you're worried about me, I'm doing much better," I reassure him.  
  
"You look like you are," he answers, "but you don't have to put on a show around me. I know you, Samantha." He eyes me intently and my gaze drops to my food as I toss the remainder of the uneaten piece on the paper plate, no longer hungry.  
  
"I'm fine," I stress, trying to ease his mind and my own.  
  
He eyes me with a sigh, "I don't want you to spend the weekend alone."  
  
"All right, I'll call Danny up Saturday afternoon."  
  
"What about tomorrow night?"  
  
"I'll go see Kellar," I shrug. He looks taken-aback by my forwardness. "He invited me out for a drink, and I could use it."  
  
"Sam, I know what you're planning on doing. Don't." He shakes his head, his eyes warning me not to.  
  
"Or what?" I question. "We're already over. You'll be with your girls tomorrow night, and I'll be with him."  
  
"Samantha," his breath is hot against my lips as he says my name. His anger is building within him and it's only a matter of time until it unleashes.  
  
****************  
  
Jack Malone POV:  
  
Samantha Spade Residence  
  
March 11, 2004  
  
6:37 p.m.  
  
"I can't believe you," I shake my head. "You'd sleep with him?"  
  
"I have before," she quips. "You didn't have a problem with it when you were still married to Maria."  
  
"That was different."  
  
"How so?" she eyes me intently.  
  
"I had no right to say anything; I was still married."  
  
"And what? Since we're over now, it's okay to jump right in and shoot down my choice for dates?"  
  
"I think you're making a big mistake."  
  
"Would you rather see me go out with Martin?"  
  
"Why? So you can use him too?"  
  
"Oh, we both know Kellar's aware of the circumstances. I don't see him complaining," she retorts.  
  
"You admit it?"  
  
"Jack," she shakes her head, "I never used you, so don't go getting any irrational ideas." She stands up, grabs her unfinished dinner and tosses it into the trashcan. She rinses her hands and dries them before eyeing me. "I'm going to take a bath before bed. It'd be nice if you saw yourself out," she tells me, before turning her back and heading into her bedroom.  
  
"Samantha," I let out a sigh, letting my head fall back to the couch cushions. I know she wants me gone, but I have this aching feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me otherwise.  
  
I stand up and glance around her apartment. Everything seems all right; there's nothing strange or out of the ordinary. I feel the need to check on her, though. I just hope she won't be angry with me. Maybe I can tell her I'm leaving? It's a crummy excuse. I know she's angry with me, but I want to work things out. She's had a rough time as it is—we both have.  
  
I quietly slip into her bedroom and see the bathroom door cracked and the lights off. There's a faint glow from candles and I quietly approach the door. I hear her muffled sobs and feel my stomach knot, "Sam," I knock softly and push open the door.  
  
"Go away," she whispers, covering her face with her hand as she tries to hide her tears. In the candlelight, her body is bathed in darkness and the only visible glance I get of her is from the rise of her breasts up to her face. "Please leave," she begs me, her tears falling fast and her body shaking violently with pain.  
  
"Sam." I step closer, drawing myself to the edge of the tub. I lean down, my hand capturing hers that's covering her face.  
  
"Don't," she shakes me away, wanting to hide her face and her true feelings.  
  
I grab a towel from the counter. "Come on," I tell her, as I help her to her feet and wrap the towel around her. She shivers from the cold, her teeth chattering. Even in the darkness I can make out her lips turning a shade of blue.  
  
"You can go," she chatters, shivering as her hair drips onto the floor. I grab another towel and try to run it through her hair as she walks out to her bedroom. I follow behind and she grabs a pair of warm pajamas, slipping them on before sliding between the sheets.  
  
"I'm so sorry," I tell her, not knowing what else to say. She eyes me with a tired sigh. Her tears have stopped, but she looks so broken and so lost. It hurts me to see her this way. I grab her wet towels and toss them into her laundry basket in the closet.  
  
"Thanks," she mumbles, rolling around beneath the covers, trying to get warm.  
  
I move towards her, take a seat on the edge of the bed and rest my hand along her back. "This isn't something that's going to disappear overnight. These feelings you're having--"  
  
"I know," she groans. "It's just so much to deal with—all of it."  
  
"Tell me what you want me to do," I offer, hoping she'll let me into her life again.  
  
She rolls onto her side to face me. "I don't think there's anything you can do," she whispers. "It's something I have to deal with."  
  
"You're not alone on this," I remind her, moving my hand to her shoulder.  
  
"Thanks," she answers, glancing around the room.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I won't see Kellar tomorrow, if you really don't want me to."  
  
I let out a soft sigh. I don't want her seeing him, but I also don't want us to be over.  
  
"Do what makes you happy, Sam." She groans in frustration as she shifts onto her back and stares up at the ceiling. "What?" I question softly, moving my hand to her shoulder.  
  
"I wish things were different," she answers.  
  
"They are," I remind her. "I've divorced Maria, I'm madly in love with you- -." She cuts me off as she turns her head to face me. Her eyes hold so much pain, I don't know what to say or do.  
  
"You have two young girls who hate me and I can't blame them," she whispers. "Right now I don't disagree with them—I lost our son."  
  
"Sam, that was not your fault." I move my hand to beneath her chin, glancing into her eyes. Her brown orbs begin to water and she shuts her eyes, not wanting to face me any longer.  
  
Her tears slide past her closed eyes and I lean down, kissing each drop away on her cheeks. "Jack," her voice is soft and warm as her eyes flutter open. "This can't happen," she shakes her head no. "I can't go through it again."  
  
"You're not alone, Sam."  
  
"I am," she nods gently. "I know you're trying to help, but you have Hannah and Kate to worry about." Her eyes meet mine.  
  
I let out a soft sigh, remembering how Hannah has been behaving lately. "I always worry about you, Samantha." I meet her eyes before she shuts them.  
  
"I know. Don't worry about me; I'll be fine." She shifts beneath the covers, ready for bed. I lean down and give her a soft kiss before shutting off the light.  
  
"Goodnight," I whisper.  
  
"Stay," her words are barely audible, but I glance back and feel my heart telling me to be with her. I tug at my work clothes, slipping them off before sliding between her sheets. I feel her body beside mine, but I make no move to touch her. As much as I want to, I don't want to upset her. "Thanks." I feel her breath on my neck as she leans into my body and I open my arms to envelope her. She nuzzles into my chest before falling into a light sleep. 


	14. Chapter 14

Samantha Spade POV:  
  
Samantha Spade Residence  
  
March 12, 2004  
  
6:37 a.m.  
  
"Jack?" I feel a warm arm draped along my stomach and a soft breath against my neck. My eyes open, glancing over to see his sleeping face. I eye the clock and let out a soft sigh, knowing I need to get up and ready for work.  
  
As soon as I slip from his embrace, he stirs awake. "Is it time to get up already?" He runs a hand through his hair and lets out a tired yawn.  
  
I head towards the bathroom, glancing back and catching his gaze. "You can stay for breakfast if you want. I think there might even be an outfit of yours in the closet," I tell him.  
  
I run the shower and quickly get washed up and dressed for work. I head into the kitchen, seeing Jack dressed in a fresh change of clothes and making pancakes.  
  
"When I said you could stay for breakfast, I didn't mean you had to make it," I laugh and head towards the fridge to grab some orange juice.  
  
"Thought I'd help," he offers, taking the food off the stove as he finishes up. I head towards the table, take a seat beside him and start eating.  
  
Once we're done, we quickly clear the dishes and grab what we need before driving into work.  
  
I take my own car, careful not to have anyone ask too many questions—we have enough going on as it is. Besides, Jack's picking the girls up tonight and I'll have the night to myself, so we'll need both our cars.  
  
We arrive at the office a few minutes apart and find out our missing person had several deleted e-mails of a threatening nature in regards to some pro- choice demonstrations she attended. Jack assigns me to find out who they're from, while Danny and Martin interrogate two people known to have gone with her.  
  
"Anything?" Vivian approaches me and I feel her eyes over my shoulder.  
  
"The IP address that was logged came through four different addresses. It looks like they knew how to hack into computers."  
  
"What's the farthest back address you have?"  
  
I let out a sigh, skimming the print out. "Upstate New York," I answer. "Give me five minutes and I'll have a more detailed address and a name of who to visit."  
  
Vivian nods and heads back towards her desk. I let out a soft breath, remembering how Kellar called and mentioned he thought he recognized our missing person. If it was she, and she was running—why has she stayed within the city? I shake my head, slightly confused and grab my jacket.  
  
"Ready?" I eye Vivian and she stands up and heads with me towards Jack's office. I slip inside, with Vivian standing outside the door. "We've got a lead we're going to check out."  
  
"Connected to the e-mails?" Jack questions.  
  
I nod my head. "Is Viv going with you?"  
  
"Yes," she answers from the doorway.  
  
I eye Jack intently. Is he questioning my integrity or my ability as an agent in the field? I dismiss the thought and head for the door.  
  
"I'm going to head out a little early this afternoon. Call my cell phone when you guys are done."  
  
"Will do," I answer, as I shut his door and we head for the elevator.  
  
I pull out my keys, unlock the door and slip inside. Vivian takes a seat beside me in the passenger side and glances through the file before promptly shutting it.  
  
I head out of the parking garage and feel her gaze on me.  
  
"Quit staring at me," I laugh softly, trying to break the tension. I know she wants to ask me something, and I can only wonder exactly what it is she wants to know.  
  
"You sure you're all right, Samantha?"  
  
"Fine," I yawn as I turn up the radio and deflect any more of her questions.  
  
*****************  
  
Jack Malone POV:  
  
Jack's Office  
  
March 12, 2004  
  
2:47 p.m.  
  
I grab my keys and glance down at my watch. "Shit," I pull on my jacket, sliding my phone into my pocket as I tear out of the building and down to my car.  
  
I've been waiting around for Sam and Vivian to call and almost forgot to get the girls from school. I have to take Hannah to meet at 4:00 with the child psychiatrist, who is across town.  
  
I slip into my car and make my way towards the girls' school.  
  
Sometime tonight I'll have to inform the girls, along with Maria, that Samantha had a miscarriage. I'm slightly concerned Hannah will be overzealous with joy. If that happens, I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't bring her around Sam then. I let out a sigh, pulling up in front of Hannah and Kate's school.  
  
My cell phone vibrates against my pocket and I slip it out before stepping outside of the car. "Malone."  
  
"We're on our way back to the office." I hear Samantha's voice and let out a soft breath.  
  
"Find anything?"  
  
"We checked the guy out; he has a solid alibi. The thing is, he isn't the only person intent on abducting or possibly killing this woman. She has a lot of enemies—along with all the other women that were involved in the demonstration."  
  
"Danny and Martin are back at the office. Give them a call with the information you found."  
  
"There isn't much," she lets out a sigh. "Are you coming back into the office or—"  
  
"I'm done for the night," I answer, stepping out of the car and walking along the sidewalk. "I've got to get the girls, take Hannah to therapy and then head over to Maria's for their clothes."  
  
"I thought they had stuff at your place."  
  
"It hasn't exactly been washed," I answer with a soft laugh. "Besides, Kate needs to grab her stuffed animal—she won't sleep without it."  
  
"Oh, okay. Well," she pauses, "I guess I'll see you Monday then." She hangs up the phone before I have time to object or, at the very least, say goodbye.  
  
I let out a sigh, slipping my phone into my pocket as I see the girls coming outside.  
  
"Daddy!" Kate exclaims, her eyes wide with delight.  
  
"You remembered," Hannah quips.  
  
"When have I ever forgotten you girls?"  
  
They both exchange glances and shrug.  
  
"Will you take us out for ice cream?" Kate takes my hand, and Hannah walks on the other side of me, as we head for my car.  
  
"Maybe after Hannah's appointment," I remind the girls.  
  
"Do I have to go?" I eye her intently and she whines, "It isn't like I tell her anything anyways."  
  
I open the back door, letting the girls inside before shutting it. Both doors are still child-locked. After the incident with Hannah roughly a month ago, I don't take any chances.  
  
I buckle myself in the front and glance back at the girls before heading towards the psychiatrist's office.  
  
"Are we going to see Samantha again?" Kate eyes me as I glance back in the rearview mirror.  
  
"I don't know," I answer with a sigh. "She's been going through a lot lately."  
  
"Will we see the baby?" Kate chirps with hopeful eyes. "I want to be a big sister," she exclaims with a smile.  
  
I let out a soft sigh, "Samantha had a miscarriage."  
  
"The baby's gone?" Hannah questions softly, her voice betraying no emotion.  
  
"Yes," I answer with a sigh.  
  
"Is Samantha okay?" Kate leans forward, wanting to see my expression, and I try to remain calm.  
  
"I hope so," I respond with a soft breath.  
  
We pull in front and I walk the girls inside. Hannah's incredibly quiet and I honestly have no idea what's running through her mind. Is she happy there won't be a child between us? I can't blame however she's feeling.  
  
Hannah is escorted into the psychiatrist's office while Kate and I sit in the waiting room. I glance through a few magazines while she draws a picture, and I feel my cell phone vibrating.  
  
"I'll be right outside. You wait here," I tell Kate and she nods as I slip outside for some privacy.  
  
"Okay," Kate answers.  
  
"Malone."  
  
"Hey, Jack, I'm sorry to bother you again."  
  
"It's fine," I answer with a smile, glad she called and not someone else. "What is it, Sam?"  
  
"We thought maybe our missing person was trying to escape and that's why she left—to save herself."  
  
"And?"  
  
"Remember the car Kellar mentioned?"  
  
"Yeah," I nod.  
  
"It was found ditched at the airport. They ran prints and some fibers and it matches our missing person."  
  
"That's great! Where is she?"  
  
"We don't know," Samantha answers with a sigh. "She's not on any flight manifests."  
  
"How about a pseudonym?"  
  
"She'd need identification," she points out.  
  
"What do you need from me?" I question, glancing down at my watch and looking through the door to see Kate glancing back towards me before she resumes coloring.  
  
"We wanted to run it by you. We were hoping you'd have a new angle to take with it."  
  
"Does she have a passport?"  
  
I hear her sifting through some papers. "No."  
  
"Credit card receipts?"  
  
"Nothing, Jack," she lets out a sigh. "We've even considered the possibility she ditched the car at the airport and took transportation elsewhere."  
  
"Where to?"  
  
"We don't know," she groans. "That's why we were calling you."  
  
"Nothing new to go on?"  
  
"She's friends with the other demonstrators," Sam pauses. "They've gotten some threatening phone calls and letters. Aside from that, the last call one of the others received was from Janet Murdock, our missing person. She was cut off but kept saying how she was in trouble."  
  
"Did they trace the call?" I question.  
  
"To her cell phone. They weren't able to get anything more out of it."  
  
"Has her cell phone been used since?"  
  
"No," she lets out a sigh.  
  
"Go back to these other demonstrators' homes, talk to them, their friends, their enemies, their neighbors, even family. Maybe they'll come up with something that will help."  
  
"All right. Sorry I interrupted you," she laughs softly, slightly embarrassed. I've rarely seen her act or feel that way.  
  
"Call me if you need anything," I remind her and hang up the phone. I head inside the waiting area and Kate comes over towards me to sit down. She scoots up beside me, and I move my arm behind her so she can scoot closer.  
  
"Do you have to go into work?"  
  
"No," I shake my head. "You girls are staying with me this weekend."  
  
"Will we see Samantha again?"  
  
"Do you want to see her?"  
  
"I don't know," Kate shrugs. "She seemed nice. We were pretty mean to her, though. She probably hates us."  
  
"She doesn't hate you. She's going through a rough time—after losing the baby."  
  
Kate nods her head. "Are you still going to marry her?"  
  
"You like to ask a lot of questions."  
  
"I know," she answers with a smile and a soft laugh before heading over towards the table to draw.  
  
An hour later I hear the door from down the hall open and shut and see Hannah and Dr. Sterling making their way towards me. Hannah's face is fairly red and looks as though she's been crying. She refuses to meet my gaze and I thank the doctor, write out a check and head with the girls to the car.  
  
"Hannah," I hear Kate's voice and wait for the girls to buckle themselves in before heading to Maria's to grab their things. "I made this for you." Kate hands her a picture.  
  
"Thanks," she gives her little sister a brief hug before glancing out the window sadly.  
  
"You all right?" I eye her, feeling overly concerned.  
  
"Fine, Dad."  
  
"Can you turn up the music?" Kate interjects and I let out a soft breath, glancing back at the girls before turning the volume up.  
  
Twenty minutes later, we pull in front of the apartment and I notice Maria's car outside. We head inside the house and I glance around, surprised to see her home already.  
  
"They needed to pick up their clothes," I remind her, standing awkwardly in the living room.  
  
"Jack," she lets out a sigh, and I take a seat waiting for the girls to get done. She eyes me, trying to make small talk or—at the very least—to be polite. "How's Samantha?"  
  
"It's complicated." My eyes meet hers. "She had a miscarriage."  
  
"I'm sorry, Jack."  
  
"Yeah," I nod with a sigh. "Things haven't been easy for us lately."  
  
"Do you want the girls to stay here this weekend, so you can be with her?"  
  
"No," I shake my head. "Thanks though."  
  
"If you need anything," she tries her best to show empathy and I nod appreciatively.  
  
"Ready girls?" I notice them both carrying two small duffel bags and I grab hold of them, heading for the door.  
  
"Are you going to drop them off Sunday night?"  
  
"What's good for you?" I offer, "I can take them into school on Monday if you have to be at the office early."  
  
"You'll have their things, though," she lets out a sigh. "Drop them off Sunday night after dinner."  
  
"Okay," I answer. The girls both give Maria a hug and kiss before heading down to the car.  
  
We head back towards my apartment. "What do you girls want for dinner?"  
  
"I'm not hungry," Hannah whispers.  
  
"What do you want to eat, Kate?"  
  
"Ice cream," she giggles.  
  
"After dinner I'll take you girls to get ice cream."  
  
"Really?" Kate's eyes light up with a smile.  
  
"Any ideas for dinner?" I repeat, glancing towards Hannah and then back towards Kate. They both shrug in response. "Do you want me to make you girls something or do you want to go out to eat?"  
  
"Let's eat at home," Kate answers. "Will Samantha be there?"  
  
"No," I shake my head. "It's just the three of us."  
  
"Are we going to see her this weekend?" Hannah quips.  
  
"Yeah, I want to give her my stuffed animal," Kate adds.  
  
"You do?" I glance back before parking the car. I slip out, opening the door for the girls and then grabbing their bags from the trunk.  
  
"I owe her an apology," Hannah points out with a sigh. I walk with the girls inside my apartment and flip on the lights.  
  
"Why's that?" I glance towards Hannah. Does she really understand what she's done?  
  
"I wished for something awful to happen, and it did." Her eyes meet the floor and she plops onto the couch with a sigh of defeat.  
  
"Hannah?"  
  
"I didn't want her to have the baby. I wanted us to be a family again." Her eyes meet mine and I see tears forming. "I'm so sorry, I had no idea-- "  
  
"Hannah," I head to the sofa, kneeling down to embrace her. "This is not your fault."  
  
"Even if I prayed for it?"  
  
Pours tear from her eyes as she finds her head against my chest. I run my hand along her back to soothe her. "It wasn't your doing."  
  
She nods her head with a sigh, "I still feel awful, though."  
  
"We all do," I whisper.  
  
She finally untangles herself from my hold. "Can we stop by tomorrow?"  
  
"We'll see," I answer with a sigh. "I'm going to start on dinner."  
  
"I'll help," she stands up, following me into the kitchen. I'm completely baffled by her eagerness and sudden maturity. Has going to the psychiatrist really helped or is she doing this so she won't have to go again? Either way, something seems to be helping.  
  
She opens the cabinets and sets the table while I prepare dinner. 


	15. Chapter 15

Samantha Spade POV:  
  
Samantha Spade Residence  
  
March 12, 2004 8:07 p.m.  
  
I unlock the front door, slightly disappointed from today's events. We did manage to find our missing person, but unfortunately it was too late.  
  
Her body was dumped, along with a note that made it appear as a suicide. It didn't add up—her car was left at the airport, she was missing for several days, and there was a suicide note. Whoever was involved wanted it to look staged, but they just didn't know what they were doing.  
  
We couldn't figure out the pieces of the puzzle, and to me it still doesn't make much sense. If she was running away to save herself, why didn't she leave the city? Was she trying to keep in touch with her family and did that get her killed? Maybe she couldn't part with her life and her child?  
  
I let out a sigh, falling into the couch and closing my eyes. I feel worn and exhausted. Danny and I stopped for dinner before I came home, so at least I ate something reasonable.  
  
I still don't have much of an appetite and I sigh as I glance toward the clock. So much for meeting Kellar—even if I wanted to. I doubt he'd still be at the bar.  
  
I sigh and grab the remote with, flipping the television on and surfing through the channels.  
  
I hear someone knocking at the door and let out a soft breath. Is it Kellar trying to find out why I never showed up? Maybe it's Jack with his children. I shake my head, dismissing the thought. I love him but I need some time away. I need some space from 'us' to get my feelings and emotions back in order. I need to know where I stand before I can determine where 'we' stand—if there will even be a 'we' again.  
  
"Coming," I answer with a sigh, pattering towards the door and pulling it back with a surprised look on my face. "What are you doing here?" I question, glancing towards Maria.  
  
"I heard about the miscarriage," she bites down on her lower lip. "I wanted to bring you flowers," she offers, handing me the small bouquet. It feels slightly odd—receiving flowers let alone anything from the woman whose husband I slept with.  
  
"Thanks," I answer, carrying them into the kitchen and pulling out a vase to put them in.  
  
"I know what you're going through."  
  
I glance back over my shoulder with a sigh. "I'm fine, really."  
  
"I kept telling myself the same thing. Jack hasn't said much to me, but I saw him this evening when he picked up the girls. He looks lost without you." Her eyes meet mine and I don't know what to say.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about," I answer, turning my back as I open the bouquet and run the tap water. I cut the stems before putting them in the vase.  
  
I feel her hand on my shoulder and my body freezes from her touch.  
  
"You don't have to confide in me, but don't leave Jack in the dark. It's the mistake I made, Samantha. That's what tore our family apart." I turn to face her, surprised by her honesty.  
  
"You had a miscarriage?"  
  
She nods with a sigh. "I never told him about it. I didn't want to worry him and instead I put a wedge between us. It wasn't intentional, but things never got better after that. If you don't talk about it, the pain will stay with you for a long time."  
  
"I know," I sigh. "I had a miscarriage when I was younger. This isn't anything new," I shrug, trying to lessen the pain and the situation.  
  
"I know we have our differences, but if you trust Jack, confide in him, or things may never be the same again."  
  
"Thanks," I smile politely.  
  
"I should be going." She heads towards the door.  
  
"Thank you for the flowers."  
  
"No problem. Take it easy," she offers before shutting the door and heading down to her car.  
  
I fall onto the couch with a sigh. Do I take her advice? I do want to confide in someone, and the therapist just doesn't feel right. I don't want to bother Jack, though; he has two girls who need his attention.  
  
I could always call Danny, but he has a life of his own. I don't feel like I should be bringing everyone down with me.  
  
I grab my jacket and keys and head for my car. I don't know where I'm going; I just need to get out for a little while.  
  
I drive around aimlessly, passing Jack's apartment in the process. I see the lights on inside and imagine him reading the girls a story or playing a board game with them before bed.  
  
I consider waiting until the girls are asleep and stopping by. I can't, though. Whenever I see him, it reminds me of the life I want but can't have.  
  
I head down the street a few miles and park my car outside of a small café. I head inside to get a coffee and take a seat in a small booth.  
  
I glance around, noticing the people coming in and out as I sip the hot drink.  
  
"Jack?" My eyes widen in surprise as I see the girls follow behind him and get in line to order ice cream.  
  
He smiles briefly towards me, catching my gaze before ordering. Once they have their ice cream, they make their way over towards me.  
  
"Hi, Samantha," Kate chimes, scooting beside me while taking a lick from her cone.  
  
"Hey." Her forwardness and her eagerness to sit beside me surprise me. Has Jack talked with the girls?  
  
"Mind if we sit down?" Jack asks.  
  
"It's open," I offer, watching as Jack scoots in across from me and Hannah sits beside Jack.  
  
"I'm sorry about before," Hannah eyes me sincerely. "I just--," she pauses, not knowing how to word what she wants to say.  
  
"I understand." I offer her a small smile and she nods, taking a bite of ice cream.  
  
"I wanted to give this to you." Kate offers me her teddy bear.  
  
"Kate takes him everywhere," Jack interjects.  
  
"He's yours." I offer him back and she shakes her head no. "He needs a new home now anyways. You look like you need his company more than I do."  
  
"Thank you," I smile, feeling touched by the girl's behavior and generosity.  
  
Kate nods her head with a smile. "Are you and my dad going to try for another baby?"  
  
My mouth parts slightly, not sure how to answer. I want a child, but I just don't think I could deal with this all over again. There's too much stress and emotional involvement; I'm not ready for it.  
  
My left hand rests on the table and my right arm is wrapped around Kate's bear. Jack rests his hand above mine, giving me a look that says so much and I find it endearing. I smile softly, trying to keep the tears from falling. I feel so emotional right now, and I don't know how to deal with all of it.  
  
I so desperately want to embrace Jack, to wrap my arms around him and hold him tight. I can't, though. I need to know I can do this alone—I have before and I will again.  
  
The girls finish their ice cream and they slip out from the booth. Hannah tugs on Jack's hand, pulling him close so she can whisper something into his ear.  
  
"Not tonight, sweetheart." He smiles towards Hannah and grabs Kate's hand.  
  
"All right," she sighs out sadly. "Bye, Samantha."  
  
"You sure you want me to have this?" I offer Kate her teddy bear one final time.  
  
"You keep it," she smiles, giving me a brief hug before following Jack outside and to the car.  
  
I feel slightly hurt he didn't invite me back with him, but I understand. He needs this time with his girls. Besides, I was the one who ended the relationship. I pushed him away and told him I wanted to be on my own. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine.  
  
**************  
  
Jack Malone POV:  
  
Corner Café  
  
March 12, 2004 9:27 p.m.  
  
"Come on girls." I usher them into the car, eyeing my watch with a sigh. It's already their bedtime.  
  
"Why couldn't Samantha come home with us?" Hannah eyes me curiously. "I thought she needed our support."  
  
"She does," I nod. "That's why I'm giving her some space. She wanted to be alone this weekend."  
  
"She doesn't look like she wants to be alone," Kate interjects, glancing back towards the café and Sam, who's sitting alone, looking as though she's about to cry.  
  
I notice Samantha's gaze and she glances away, quickly averting my eyes. She takes a sip of coffee and stands up, trashing the empty cup.  
  
She slowly and hesitantly walks outside, pulling out her keys. I shut the back door, keeping the girls in the car as I nod for her to come over towards me.  
  
"What?" She shivers, wrapping her arms around her body, holding her jacket closed as best she can with the teddy bear wrapped close to her chest.  
  
"You going to be okay this weekend?"  
  
"Thanks for your concern, but I'll be fine," she answers with a curt nod. She turns away, ready to head for her car when I place my hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Sam," I whisper, causing her to glance back towards me. "You're invited over," I offer. "The girls are going to bed when we get home and--"  
  
She shakes her head no, "We shouldn't."  
  
"But--"  
  
"It's better if we don't." She turns to face me and I'm surprised when she wraps her arms around me for a brief, yet sentimental hug. I don't want to let go of her. I feel drawn to her warmth and I run my hands along her back—even through her jacket I feel her shiver.  
  
She pulls back, letting out a soft breath and glancing into the car at the girls. She waves to them with a smile, and mouths 'thank you', in response to the teddy bear.  
  
"I'll see you on Monday," she offers, giving me a soft kiss on the cheek before heading for her car.  
  
I let out an exhaustive sigh. I'm at a loss as to what to do. Is this not what she wanted—the girls' acceptance? I know losing the baby was hard on her—it was painful for me too. I just don't know how to help her get over it.  
  
I slip into the car and glance back towards the girls.  
  
"Is she coming over?" Hannah questions.  
  
"I don't think so," I respond, pulling out of the parking lot and heading back towards the apartment.  
  
***************  
  
Samantha Spade POV:  
  
Corner Café  
  
March 12, 2004 9:35 p.m.  
  
I take a seat in my car, turn it on and let the air warm up. I don't want to go home. I want to be comforted, but I also hate the feeling of not being able to take care of myself.  
  
I let out a sigh and flip the heat on full blast. I eye the parking lot, noticing Jack has already left.  
  
I could go to his apartment, but I shouldn't. He did invite me, but I felt as though he offered because the girls actually wanted him to.  
  
I pull out of the parking space, careful not to hit anyone as I approach the street. Do I turn left and head towards Jack's place or right towards mine?  
  
I think back over the day's events, remembering Maria's words about letting Jack into my life. I turn on my blinker and make a left turn across traffic.  
  
I drive on, going slow enough to allow Jack time with his daughters and giving me enough time to reconsider.  
  
I want to see him—I do. There's just so much going on that whenever I think of what we had, it hurts me to see it gone.  
  
Maybe Maria's right and I should confide in Jack, but sometimes it's so hard to tell him those things—the things that matter the most.  
  
I feel my cell phone vibrate in my pocket and I dig for it. "Spade," I answer.  
  
"Hey, Samantha." I hear Martin's voice and roll my eyes with a smile. "I wanted to see how you were doing."  
  
"I'm good," I nod as I carefully navigate through traffic.  
  
"I'm not sure what's been going on, but I thought maybe if you wanted to talk, we could go out sometime—for drinks, I mean." I can't hide the smile on my lips at his nervousness.  
  
"Yeah, we could do that after work."  
  
"Oh, right."  
  
"What is it, Martin?" I can hear the disappointment and feel my stomach tense at hurting him. We're friends and that's all I see him as, but I don't see why we can't hang out.  
  
"I thought maybe this weekend you were free, but next week is fine too."  
  
"I'm sort of on my way somewhere tonight. Can you call me tomorrow?" I suggest.  
  
"Yeah," I hear his voice light up and I laugh softly.  
  
"Bye, Martin." I hang up my cell phone, shaking my head.  
  
I've known for a while he's had a little crush on me. It's rather endearing and, to be perfectly honest, I enjoy the attention. When I was always around Jack, that's what I missed the most—us going out as a couple. Not that me going with Martin would be as a couple. I let out a sigh, not able to sort my thoughts clearly, but knowing that Martin is JUST a friend.  
  
I pull up in front of Jack's place. I glance out the window and notice the lights being turned off in the girls' room.  
  
Do I take the initiative and join him? I do love him, and I want us to be happy again, but there's so much heartache I feel when I see him. There's a loss and longing I want that I feel may never be filled.  
  
I make my way up the stairs and knock softly against the door.  
  
I hear his footsteps and he opens it with a mildly surprised expression.  
  
"Samantha!" he says with surprise and opens the door to let me inside.  
  
"I thought I should tell you," I begin, "Maria stopped by this evening. I didn't want to mention it in front of the girls."  
  
"She stopped by?"  
  
"She had some advice," I shrug.  
  
"And?"  
  
"I don't want to make the same mistake she made," I offer.  
  
"Mistake? Samantha, I don't understand."  
  
"I love you, Jack. I have for a really long time. There's a lot I don't share about my past," I tell him and he nods his head, taking my hand and ushering me towards the couch. I slip out of my coat and relax into the cushions. "There's a lot I don't tell anyone," I remind him.  
  
"Sam, what are you trying to say?"  
  
"I don't know," I laugh nervously. "I'm not good with words." He eyes me as though he doesn't believe what I've said. "I'm not," I repeat.  
  
"You don't give yourself enough credit."  
  
"Jack."  
  
"I'm serious. When you don't agree with something, you speak your mind--"  
  
I cut him off. "That's different."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"It's work," I answer. "I can talk about work or fight my own battles. I just shy away from talking about my personal life."  
  
"I'm aware," he nods. "There are things I don't talk about either." He eyes me seriously.  
  
"Don't you sometimes want to tell someone? You just never know what to say?"  
  
He nods his head. "Samantha, that's what I love about us. We never needed words; we understood each other so well--"  
  
"We complement one another," I add, feeling him embrace me with a hug. I take in his warmth and slowly pull back, glancing into his eyes. "I do love you."  
  
He nods his head, "But?"  
  
"I'm worried what might happen. If we pursue this," I gesture between us. "I can't live with the thought of losing another child, Jack. I don't think I could survive the torment."  
  
He draws his fingers through my hair and I feel his breath against mine. "What do you want?"  
  
"I don't know," I shrug. "I thought I knew but everything seems so wrong and, at the same time, so right."  
  
He pulls me into his embrace. "Oh, Sam," he whispers and I feel his lips on my forehead. I lean into his chest, feeling his hands softly running soothingly along my back. "If you're worried about OPR and our jobs--"  
  
"No," I laugh softly. "I've dealt with that before; it's nothing new."  
  
"All this anxiety is because of the miscarriage?" he asks as he eyes me seriously.  
  
I glance down, not able to face him. I let out a soft sigh of defeat and a nod. "It was about your children too, but now," I shrug, "I don't know what's going on."  
  
"They both feel bad, and they've finally come to their senses that what they did was wrong."  
  
I glance towards the window, staring off as I feel Jack's hand on my shoulder.  
  
"Tell me what you're thinking," he presses.  
  
"I want to take things slow." My eyes meet his. "I don't even know if I can deal with a relationship, but I don't want to lose you." I chew nervously on my lower lip. Will he take me back—even after all the horrible things I've done and what I've caused?  
  
"You won't lose me," he says as he takes my hands and squeezes them gently, "but I need to know what's going on when something's bothering you."  
  
"I know." I glance away, wanting to end this conversation.  
  
"Sam," his voice is soft as I feel his eyes on me.  
  
I catch his gaze briefly. "I'll try," I offer in response and give him a brief smile. He pulls me into his lap and a soft laugh escapes my lips from the surprise of his gesture. "Jack," I shake my head in amusement.  
  
"Stay with me tonight?" I feel his breath on my neck.  
  
"I didn't come over for--" He silences me with a soft kiss.  
  
"I know," he nods. "Maybe I sleep better with you around."  
  
"What about the girls?" I glance towards their bedroom. "We should take it slow. I don't want them hating me again."  
  
"They didn't hate you," he answers, drawing his hand along my neck and into my hair.  
  
"Yeah, they did," I nod. "It's okay, I can understand. I think it might be better if I slept on the couch."  
  
"You're not sleeping on the couch," he eyes me. "Come on."  
  
I stand up and walk with Jack towards the bedroom. I stand in the entranceway as Jack digs through his drawers for something clean to wear to bed. "You coming in?" He pulls his shirt over his head, tossing it to the floor as he slips into something more comfortable. "Sam?"  
  
I suddenly feel so vulnerable and all the memories come flooding back to haunt me. I feel my lip quiver and I bite down, trying to ignore the ache in my stomach.  
  
"Um, yeah." I head on over, slide my shoes off and take a seat on the edge of the bed.  
  
"You want something to wear?"  
  
"A t-shirt would be good."  
  
He pulls one out and tosses it to me. "I'll be in the bathroom brushing my teeth." He slips away, giving me privacy to get changed.  
  
*************  
  
Jack Malone POV:  
  
Jack Malone Residence  
  
March 12, 2004 10:45 p.m.  
  
I open the bathroom door, noticing the light off in the bedroom and Samantha already between the covers.  
  
"Tired?" I question, slipping beside her in bed as she rolls onto her side to face me.  
  
"Extremely," she yawns out and I roll onto my side, drawing my hand to her waist to hold her. She leans into my body, and I feel her warmth soak through me. "I'm sorry about everything," she whispers as I feel her hands on my chest.  
  
"You have nothing to be sorry about," I remind her. She nods her head and doesn't answer. The room is completely quiet and I can hear her breathing against my skin. "Would you really have gone out with Kellar tonight?"  
  
She lets out a soft laugh. "I don't know. I'm glad I didn't, though. I'd rather be in your bed than his."  
  
"Sam--"  
  
"I'm sorry," she tells me again. "That came out wrong."  
  
"It's okay." I move my hand into her hair, gently brushing it back so I can see her face. I feel her legs brush against mine as she shifts beneath the covers.  
  
"Are you sure the girls will be okay with me being here in the morning?"  
  
"If you take good care of Kate's teddy bear, I think she'll be okay." I kiss her lips softly, feeling her hands knead against my back.  
  
"It's in the car," she answers.  
  
"I'll bring it inside in the morning." She nods her head in response, letting out a soft breath.  
  
"I wish things were like the way they were before," Sam tells me.  
  
"I don't."  
  
"Things were less complicated."  
  
"For you maybe. I had Maria to deal with," I point out with a soft laugh.  
  
"You know what I mean, Jack."  
  
I feel her head move into my neck, as she closes her eyes and takes comfort in my embrace.  
  
"Goodnight," I offer, drawing my hands over her back as I hear her yawn a similar response into my skin.  
  
***************  
  
Samantha Spade POV:  
  
Jack Malone Residence  
  
March 13, 2004 9:48 a.m.  
  
I roll around, squinting my eyes as the morning light shines in through the windows. "Jack?" I glance around, noticing he's already awake, and I smell the morning coffee brewing. My eyes dance along the bed, noticing Kate's teddy bear that she gave me and I can't hide the smile on my lips no matter how hard I try.  
  
I run my hand along the soft fur and slowly sit up in bed. I head towards the dresser and pull out a pair of sweatpants that are too big on me. I laugh at how they practically fall off, and I grab for my pants that I wore yesterday and change into those.  
  
I quietly peek out of the bedroom, hearing the television as I make my way into the living room.  
  
"Hey, Sam." I hear Jack's voice and glance into the kitchen to see him cooking breakfast.  
  
"Need a hand?"  
  
"I've got it," he answers and I turn around to see both girls eyeing me.  
  
"Come sit with us," Kate chimes, and I slowly approach the sofa, watching as they make room for me to sit between them.  
  
"What are we watching?" I eye the television curiously.  
  
"Cartoons," Hannah answers. I feel her eyes staring at me and I let out a soft breath, glancing her way.  
  
"What?" I whisper, not trying to start a fight but wondering why she's looking at me like that.  
  
"You're really pretty." I feel her fingers going into my hair as she eyes the blonde strands. "I wish my hair was straight."  
  
"Thank you." I feel myself blushing. "I like your hair," I offer her and she cringes.  
  
"Not me."  
  
"We can take a trip to my apartment and get my straightener. It might help."  
  
"Really?" Her eyes light up.  
  
"Will you do my hair too?" Kate eyes me with a smile.  
  
"We'll have to check with your dad first." All three of us glance into the kitchen to see Jack laughing softly.  
  
"It won't be permanent, will it?"  
  
"No," I laugh, shaking my head. "Once they take a shower, it'll go back to the way it was."  
  
"I don't see why not then," he shrugs.  
  
"Why do you have a hair straightener?" Kate eyes me curiously. "Your hair isn't curly?"  
  
"Long story," I laugh and stand up from the sofa. "Let's help your dad in the kitchen."  
  
"I'm just about done," Jack answers.  
  
"I'll set the table," Hannah chimes, heading towards the cabinets to grab the dishes.  
  
"Me too," Kate adds, as they both set everything up.  
  
Once we're finished breakfast, the girls head into their bedroom to get changed and I help Jack with the dishes. "You know," Jack whispers from behind me, "you'll make a great mother someday."  
  
"You really think so?" I glance back and he nods with a smile.  
  
"I know so."  
  
The End. 


End file.
